Archive for April, 2009

Bienvenidos a Espana

// April 30th, 2009 // 11 Comments » // Uncategorized

After our 54-7 routing last week, the bye week was met with much anticipation. Packed up my bag and took off to Spain with our TE Ryan. Couldn’t have been a better trip (you see the FWG
speaks Spanish). After visiting every tourist spot possible and setting up my unsuspecting teammate by telling waitresses and bartenders that he wanted to make “sweet, passionate love to them”…this trip: Success!

The Olympic stadium.

Glamour Shots by Deb 50% off for a limited time only.
This is my “playboy” butt pose…@ olympic park

JBurd–in this case paella> NFl Draft
(Interview posted in a few hours)

That would be sheep’s head, sheep’s tongue, sheep/cow stomach, and of course…sheep’s testicles. Ahhhh, a taste of Spain.


I Dropped The Ball On UConn And The Draft

// April 29th, 2009 // 11 Comments » // Uncategorized

Exclusive interviews and pictures coming soon. I promise. I was in Spain for the NFL draft.

This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse

// April 29th, 2009 // 10 Comments » // Uncategorized

First the swine flu, now this.

Penfield, NY—the BIRTHPLACE of the Fat White Guy. I cannot be held responsible for this, I’m all the way in Europe, but they ran out of chicken. It is a sad day for Upstate New Yorkers, and an even sadder day for hungry Americans. All those empty stomachs, craving $4.99 worth of deep fried chicken flesh and biscuits, gravy.
Shame on you Popeyes. Shame on you Penfield.

Mel Kiper: Scoutin’ The Ladies

// April 24th, 2009 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

This is a great video. Try to ignore the Rutgers sweatshirt.

The Last Supper

// April 24th, 2009 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized

“…and FWG said to his deciples, take this Big Mac, eat it, and think of me–for this is the fuel of fatness and the burger of your salvation”

I promise you that I have never been a big fast food guy. However, around Austria, the only place to get really delicious, really fattening food without breaking the bank happens to be America’s greatest contribution to the world (besides handguns and democracy) that’s right, McDonalds.
My roommates Dave and Ryan decided to come along to document the experience, of course with the obligatory taunts about how I’d “be fat forever” and I needed to stop “eating my emotions.” Best of all though, was the look from the cashier when I said “Yah, Ummmm I’ll have Big Mac mit Pommes…..3 cheeseburgers…” “Yah your total iz..” “No, no, no, sweet heart, Im not done yet. Coca-cola, Chicken nuggets, anddddd….a milk-shake”
And with that I had confirmed every stereotype of Americans. Not mad.
Enjoy the pictures.

Winning is Overrated

// April 23rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

You know lately I have been distracted by trying to run the Formerly Fat White Guy Project. I forgot all about our most recent game. Here’s the story:

Winning is overrated

We played at the Olympic Stadium in Innsbruck, Austria this past weekend. Driving through the former Olympic village and walking the same halls once occupied by Olympic greats was truly awe-inspiring.

The romance ended there.

The Innsbruck Raiders are loosely affiliated with the Oakland Raiders, and as far as I’m concerned, we were playing in the Coliseum with Tommy Kelly teeing off on our quarterback.

The 54-7 end score doesn’t offer much resistance to that theory at all.

Sure, I’d like to blame the referees (who, by my estimation, have a remedial understanding of the game), but so much more than a few bad calls happened. It was Murphy’s Law out there. Our starting center went down and I had to start snapping the shot gun; our offense marched 80 yards down field and turned the ball over in the red zone, and it gets returned for six.

The Rest HERE

Meet The Fatties

// April 22nd, 2009 // 12 Comments » // Uncategorized

The Formerly Fat White Guy Project is OFFICIALLY underway.

So after sifting through hundreds, if not thousands of emails. I have found my chosen few.

Meet The Fat Guys:

Pat: He’s Fat

Meet Fat Pat. Pat is fat. Watch Pat eat. Watch Pat walk. Pat walks slow.

Fat Pat hails from the state of Massachusetts. Another former football player, resigned to a life of mediocrity, stuck in a cubicle 8 hours a day. Pat now passes the day eating his feelings.



That’s Mr. Walk-on-Boy, to you

This next picture comes to us all the way from Sweden (by way of Minnesota). His name is also Pat, aka Walk-on-Boy, who tells us that “playing European football, coupled with mid-week drinking-sans social stigma” has left him in need to drop a few LB’s. This picture, which he took solely for this contest is like a car accident, I need to keep driving, but I..can’t…look…away.








The Local Flavor: Meet Martin

Martin is the biggest man in Austria. Literally. Here’s his story (in his words):

After 17 years of almost no sports 2 classmates of mine returned from their high school exchange year in the US with 2 footballs in their luggage. Not knowing any rules we decided to play football instead of the regular sports classes. Then I met a guy at some party who mentioned that he played football in Vienna.

Thursday after the party I joined the first practice.

So a 12 year O-line career began.

The problem is this was 1988. While weighing in at around 120kg (265lbs) as a player—eating the same and not playing has gotten me to 180 kg (296lbs). BRING ON THE CHALLENGE!



The Underachiever: Meet Tony

A lot of people go to school for 9 years, we call them doctors. But in this case, we’ll call him “Tony.” Tony sent me an email telling me that he was basically a chronic underachiever and in keeping with that theme would only be trying for second place, meaning he’d get to take over the blog for a day, score a free t-shirt, and go back to his life of mediocrity. I like his commitment (or lack thereof?). Anyway, Tony weights in a clean 310lbs.

Bonus Points: Tony has a website: Tobacco Juice Sports (heavy on the Skoal, light on the boring).



Football Fatty: Meet Morgan.

Insert Guten Morgen pun here. Morgan, another former football player making his way in the exciting world of medical device sales, has had a few problems with his weight. He’s on the right track, and he’s nearly my cousin so I had to put him in (ahhh nepotism at its finest).



And then there was Tex…

“ I don’t remember where Tex was from”-Forest Gump (see what I just did there.)

I told you skinny-fat counted.

“Ryan” who will hence forth be referred to as TEX comes to us from the state where everything is bigger, including his waist line. In his words, “Fried chicken, bacon cheeseburgers, twinkies, and excessive amounts of candy are among my weekly consumptions that contribute to my physique. Also, my fat hood includes a great deal of sloth which is also another reason I should be a candidate.” Oh Tex, you had me at fried chicken.

New York Times: Donny Brown For President!

// April 22nd, 2009 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized

Insert your “what can Brown do for you” pun here. Donny Brown–a fantastic individual, as the New York Times reports:

RED BANK, N.J. — In the weeks and days leading to the N.F.L. draft, a typical prospect may spend his free time thumbing through catalogues featuring fancy sports cars, gaudy jewelry and high-priced houses.

Donald Brown, who was the leading rusher in the country last season with the University of Connecticut, has spent much of his time in the last few weeks going through hundreds of essays written by high school football players seeking to attend a mentoring conference that Brown has organized.

A lot of people say, you’re not even in the N.F.L. yet, why are you doing this?” Brown said during an interview last week at Red Bank Catholic, where he went to high school. “It’s because I have a platform and the resources, so I might as well use them. I wish I had this opportunity when I was growing up. I would have been the kid sitting in the front row, wide-eyed, listening and taking notes.”

Read the rest HERE

This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse

// April 20th, 2009 // 13 Comments » // Uncategorized

This dog hates the Word of the Lord. This dog shall be smited by the Almighty-Smiter.
The fact that the dog is mad at Jesus is a bad sign, even worse is that this qualifies as entertainment.

Meet Kevin Weiss

// April 17th, 2009 // 10 Comments » // Uncategorized

With The Formerly Fat White Guy Project underway (registration closes on Saturday), it’s time for you to meet the man helping with all this. Football in Austria is a little short on strength and conditioning coaches and nutritionists. Kevin Weiss has agreed to help the FWG achieve his goals.
Kevin is a native of Alberta, Canada and a competitive natural body builder. His life has stretched the spectrum of strength and conditioning, from power lifting (personal bests of 567lbs. in the squat, 463lbs. in the bench press, and 573lbs. in the deadlift, at a bodyweight of 196 lbs.) to natural body building (where he has won at the provincial, national, and international levels), his years of experience and training make him invaluable. In this day and age of performance enhancing drugs, Kevin has been a lifelong natural bodybuilder.
He has signed on to this project with the hopes of turning my football physique into something more palatable for the general public.

Kevin is also offering his services to all FWG readers at a discount. His services are unmatched in quality–and as I have already learned–he will hold you to the highest standard of excellence.
Get in touch with him.

The ball drops on Sunday. Get your minds right.
I’m off to an away game in Innsbruck.
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