2009 June | Thoughts from a fat white guy

FWG: UConn’s New Look

// June 4th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

“Hooray, new uniforms! Hooray”The University of Connecticut football team is updating its look.

The story out of Storrs is that coach Randy Edsall has approved new uniforms after meeting with team captains on Tuesday morning.

Read the rest HERE

WOB: Please Allow Myself To Introduce…Myself

// June 4th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Walk On Boy embarking on the official maiden post. Please refrain from smashing a champagne bottle over my head for good luck, because that didn’t work out so well for the Titanic. Although if I go down because of gross miscalculation and I can sketch Kate Winslet nude, I’ll call it a success.

My name is Pat McCarthy {You can call me Patrick [I just feel like a pretentious dickbag introducing myself as that. Why? I have no idea.], WOB, Walk, Boy, or really anything. Profanities included. Although I guess if you were going to, you wouldn’t wait for my permission. There’s a solid chance I’ve been called worse.} and I’m an alco, er, ex-Minnesota Golden Gopher football player born and bred in Wisconsin {Which may or may not be of consequence to peope outside of the area.}. I have a tendency to overuse squiggly brackets, brackets within brackets and italics. You may find it irritating, but if you have any better ideas on how to best organize my thoughts, by all means, let me know. Hopefully we can peacefully co-exist until you get accustomed to my ramblings. I carry an Indiana Jones pouch {Others may call it a man bag, murse, or something of the sort. Until I smite them with the whip I carry within.}. I can be a bit verbose from time to time.

I used to be a fat white guy. I would now classify myself as portly. Perhaps jolly. I am in Stockholm, Sweden, playing football for Djurgården {The best analogy I can come up with is imagine the New York Yankees having a club rugby team that no one really knows about. That’s us.} which was named for an animal garden in central Stockholm that used to be the royal hunting grounds where a fencing club was started in 1891. Sometimes there’s really no point in exaggerating or making up a story because the truth is inexplicable enough. Run on sentences are a strong suit. Living over here exposes me daily to the non-sensical, and it amuses me. And to clarify, no people who live in Sweden are not the Swiss, and banking, watch or chocolate making is not a major industry here {That would be Switzerland. But at least the first two letters are the same.} However, you would be spot on with cows, milk and dairy products.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. One, because it makes it easier for me to come up with things after that. And two, chances are someone else is wondering the same thing, and we’re here to please. Just don’t make them too difficult because I am a stupid football player and can only speak in single syllables.

Thanks to Rob for bringing me on, and for everyone reading. I’m looking forward to a journey free of icebergs.

Walk On Boy: Thank You

// June 4th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Big thanks to the Rob for allowing me to post as well as kind words from readers. It looks as if he has recovered from his self-imposed “indisposal” (life outside the bedroom must be sweet) with some ill-advised chest-bump antics. To any reader thinking that this is a good idea, I refer back to Newton’s fourth law: ‘When photographing two individuals significantly disproportionate in mass, a freeze frame air high five should be opted for over the chest bump.’ Sir Isaac was truly ahead of his time. It’s science.

And a huge thank you to the kind donation by ‘Anonymous’. A clever name {And apparently a rather smart individual.}, I admit - although not the best for tracking down and claiming the prize {However small it may be.}, and by virtue of donating a hundred bones you win the double prize. I wish there was a third, so I could award the Walk On Boy treble, just cause it sounds cool.

If you’re a Patriots fan or a football fan in the Northeast and want something much cooler than writing on my blog or telling my dumb ass what to wear. Buy some raffle tickets, and potentially eat a ton with Vince Wilfork and get some Pats tickets for this year {ht: Peter King, do I even need to cite that? Whatever. My English teachers were ruthless, brainwashing ‘cite your sources’ fanatics.}. And support diabetes at the same time. Not a bad deal at all.

Breaking News: WOB Joins FWG

// June 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

As some of you may have been noticing, Walk on Boy (aka Patrick McCarthy) has been doing a lot of work on this site. Well as of today he has officially been “brought on board.” So look for this logo: The site will be going through some major changes and renovations in coming weeks, so stay tuned for that–as Thoughts From a Fat White Guy will be your go to place for inside access to college football (UConn and elsewhere) as well as exclusive content from the NFL. Not to mention our weekly features, “Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week” and “This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse”

FWG: I Found The Funny

// June 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Water-boarding? Electrocution? Naked beatings? Check, check, and check. No, I’m not talking about the shutting down of GITMO, nope not even close. I’m talking about LeBron and his latest ill-fated run at an NBA Championship

“Now Larry, he made the wrong choice…”

Kabob in Klagenfurt

// June 2nd, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

In my professional opinion (and I do consider myself a professional) there is only one place to eat in Klagenfurt. Whether it is that snack on the go or a sit down meal, it has to be Kabob. Specifically, “Kent Kabob” in the city that always sleeps: Klagenfurt, Austria. Owned and operated by my favorite Turkish people in all the world, Kent is my number one place for “cheat” meals–but even I’m not sure how “bad” kabob is for you. How could something so good, be so bad? Anyway, here is a few pictures of me annoying the owners as I order 4 kabobs at a time. I also learned the ancient art of shaving my own meat (wait, what?).

Polizia! Polizia!

// June 2nd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Maybe you’re wondering why I led this post with a picture of Ben Stiller and his perfectly maintained quaff in the blockbuster movie, Dodgeball: a true underdog story. Well let me tell you why, friend. Because that outfit is what the Italian riot police have decided to model their uniforms after. That’s right, the streets of Venice are lined with alternates for the Purple Cobras (or should I say “Viola Serpente”) dodgeball squad. Again, I’m not going to stereotype the entire Italian police, but they did look more ready for an impromptu game of street hockey than a riot. Much to the dismay of the girlfriend, I asked a policeman this question and was met with a concerned, if not quizzical look. Well, it was what I interpreted as quizzical through his dark Armani shades. That’s right: Armani is the preferred standard of eyewear for the men with batons and shields. Not bad. Who says you can’t look runway-ready while also trying to protect and serve. Not this guy.

How Not To Chest Bump Your Girlfriend

// June 1st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

You know, its all fun and games in the hills of Austria till you decide that a mid-air-chest-bump photo-op is a good idea. Take notice, this is NOT how to win the affection of your significant other.

“I’m-a marry the shit out of you”

Well Played, Hubert Cumberdale

// June 1st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

I don’t watch a lot of TV around here. European programming is notoriously bad (a big hat tip to The Office, however) and Austrian TV is NO exception. My first months here I kept wondering why everyone asked me if I wanted McDonalds and if I liked Flavor-of-Love (I don’t). So for everyone who hasn’t had the pleasure of Euro-Channel surfing, here is some things worth bringing to the attention of the American audience of Thoughts From a Fat White Guy:
1) Flava-Flav will be responsible for the collapse of Western Civilization. Simple as that. The amount of play that MTV and MTV2 gets over here, with that clock-wearing buffoon on repeat seemingly 24-7, I see no reasonable conclusion other than all of Europe uniting and launching an all out offensive on America, just to shut him the hell up….Boyyyyeeeeeeee!
2) Kevin Costner is a total sell out. Sorry to spoil it for all you Field of Dreams fans out here, but Costner’s career is fading quicker than his hairline. As is evidenced by this:

Yup that’s right, TURKISH AIRLINES—STARRING KEVIN COSTNER AS….KEVIN COSTNER. “You’ll feel like a star.”—this does not surprise me, the Story of Us sucked—and now Turkey is the only place that Mr. Costner feels important. Although I can’t say this is a first. There is a long and storied history of American celebrities selling out in commercials overseas. Witness the Governator below. God bless YouTube.

3) Jolly Good Time On The Pitch, Herbert! Anyone who’s been following this blog for long enough knows, I’m not crazy about soccer, ehem—football—Communist Kickball. Well CNN has their sports recap, and its 95% Soccer 5% any other American sport. The anchors and the segment fancy themselves Chris Berman’s ala Sports Center, although neither is achieved. Direct quote from today’s broadcast “Oh and he takes it up—yes, a splendid swing of the leg—and the resulting goal puts Chelsea up in the early minutes” Call me ignorant, but American sports broadcasting is the best in the world. I take that back, that’s not ignorant—that’s Patriotic. Soccer deserves a splendid swing of the foot to the ass. God Bless America.