Archive for September, 2009

Guy Who Solved The Yale Murder Is Also (more importantly) A UConn Fan!

// September 29th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

uconn-cop-hat

hat-close-upIn People Magazine, I saw it with my own eyes, yes I was reading People (after being tipped off by the girlfriend).  Chances are our equipment manager Chris gave this guy a free hat for letting him out of a speeding ticket.  Anyway, this is sweet.  I’m putting this out there to FWG Nation….post and repost, email, link, whatever.  Get me this guy’s name and address, and I’m sending him a free FWG T shirt.

Not a cop who solves brutal murder mysteries?  Don’t worry, you can still get your shirts here.

This Past Weekend In College Football

// September 28th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

tim-tebow-injury

Well it’s the second episode of my new feature. If you missed last week’s installment, check it out here. For those of you unfamiliar with it, this is where I break down what we’ve learned about college football from the previous weekend’s games. Let us begin.

If this past weekend in college football has taught us anything …

It’s that after Tim Tebow went down, “concussion” replaced “early-bird special” as the most googled term in the state of Florida.

It’s that the Big East has rallied back from preseason obscurity. I doubt you’ll read about it anywhere but here, but they were 5-2 this weekend. Cincinnati cracked the top 10, South Florida took down Florida State, UConn embarrassed Rhode Island, and even Syracuse got in on the winning (hooray, Greg Paulus!).

It’s that, despite popular belief, getting only 17 yards rushing will not win you games in the ACC. Yes, I’m talking about you, University of North Carolina.

Silly Canadians, And Their Silly Shovel-Wielding Linemen…

// September 28th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

silly-canadian

Well, the CFL took a giant step forward in public relations after Edmonton Eskimos defensive tackle Xzavie Jackson, decided to settle an on the field brawl, with a healthy dose of Canadian justice:  a long handled metal shovel.  Unfortunately  Jackson was stopped before he got any further with said shovel.  Silly Canadian.

EDMONTON, Alberta — This play went way beyond a shovel pass.

Steamed over a practice brawl, a Canadian Football League lineman stomped off the field, then stormed back moments later brandishing a real shovel.

As Edmonton Eskimos defensive tackle Xzavie Jackson marched toward teammate Aaron Fiacconi on Thursday, general manager Danny Maciocia stepped into his path. The GM gently put his hand on Jackson’s chest and gestured toward the shovel….

…..As Jackson yelled and whipped off his practice jersey, he walked past a nearby dumpster. He spotted a long-handled metal shovel, grabbed it and headed back at Fiacconi.”

Final Thoughts:

I’m pretty sure this confirms it, all Canadians live in igloos and live off a strict diet of whale blubber and fallen snow.

I wonder if, in Canada, the Edmonton Eskimos are like the Washington Redskins, or the Atlanta Braves.  Pro sports team’s with slightly ignortant names/mascots.

How do you think this would have played out if the GM hadn’t intervened….

If There Is One Thing I Know, It’s Diseases

// September 25th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Well folks, just when you thought things couldn’t get worse in Gainesville, another blow to Tim Tebow’s immortality. Six Florida Gator players were held out of practice on suspicion of “swine flu.”
While no one has reported Tebow was among the six, I’m betting that Urban Meyer has him in quarantine. It’s the only logical, safe move. As goes Tebow, so go the Gators.

But this brings up the more important, and even less discussed, issue of team hygiene.

Staph infections abound in collegiate locker rooms. Yes, a scar on the back of my neck, so large it looks like I could plug into the Matrix, is in fact only one of many bodily injuries that is a throwback to my playing days. Only this one didn’t come at the hand of some overzealous offensive linemen. No, this one was caused by the draining of the golf-ball sized MRSA infection I had festering there.

Pleasant, I know.

Coaches want to build team unity, closeness, the whole “we’re a family thing.” Sure, it has its rewards, like, say, winning. But that closeness also means a lot of high fives, bodily contact and the occasional shared bodily fluid. Water bottles, drinking cups, weight rooms. Everything is shared, and because you really aren’t afraid of what your teammates might be carrying, you’ll gladly bat cleanup at the water fountain, ignorant of the fact that five of your buddies probably sneezed all over it only moments ago.

Coaches treat sick players with differing degrees of sympathy. For example, I once found myself with a stomach bug, puking on the practice field. I was afforded a few plays off and then told to get my fat butt back in there — I was dispensable.

On the other end of the spectrum, I remember when future first-round draft pick, and Indianapolis Colt running back Donald Brown (the nation’s leading rusher at the time) came down with a mild case of the sniffles. He was rushed to the proverbial ER for a battery of tests. Coach gave him the day off and sent him back to his apartment to rest up. (I know Donny will kill me for publishing that, but hey, I’m still a little bitter.)


Read The Rest HERE

Well, My Self Esteem Is Shot…

// September 23rd, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

spin-classIn my quest to be come the “less fat” white guy, the girlfriend convinced me to try spin class.  Her mom, has been teaching it for like 45 years, and loves it, so today we decided to give it a shot.  I’m not sure what they are trying to achieve by dimming the lights, but anything that sets the “mood” I’m pretty much down with.  Our instructor, god bless her, was talking in a very throaty, smoky voice, and in the dimmed light, I have expected her to light a few candles and start charging me $2.99 a minute.  Well she didn’t.  Instead she shouted at me, while I pedalled on this torture device.

There I was, former college football player, getting absolutely owned by a bunch of chubby housewives in unforgiving spandex at 5am.  I’m talking OWNED.  CRUSHED.  ANNIHILATED.  Then the instructor (looking a lot like a McDonald’s drive thru operator, with that whole microphone-headset-may I take your order-thing) says, “Okay Guys!  Let’s climb these hills!”  Hills? What freaking hills?  If you are referring to the mountains of cellulite on Susie Home-maker in front of me then, Yes, there are hills.  “Out of the saddle!”   Oh, it was imaginary hills.  Its “creative-cardio” followed by nap time and coloring in the afternoons. You’ve got to be kidding me.  45 minutes later, our perky instructor isn’t even breathing heavy and I’m demolished.  DE-MOL-ISHED.

Will I go back? Probably.  But only because I’m a glutton for punishment.

Being A Bills Fan: The Economical Choice

// September 21st, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

bills-fansSure, some have compared being a Bills fan to being the smartest kid on the short bus, but guess what?  Those are two honors I’ve proudly enjoyed.  Well it turns out there are now even more reasons to like the Bills, aside from the self loathing and propensity to be stuck in the early ’90s (were you a Bill-liever?).  According to TeamMarketing.com the Buffalo Bills are the cheapest team to take a family of 4 t0: $303.96 sense.  Not sure what that is in “loonies” for our Canadian contingent. The most expensive?  You guessed it, Dallas Cowboys at $758.58 (New England in a close second with $597.25).  Look, someone has to pay for the “Jerry-Tron” and that means you stupid Cowboys fan.

Other highlights:

The cheapest place for a 16oz beer?  Tampa Bay or Greenbay for $5.75.  Which is a steal.  I think.

Minnesota and Cincinnati have the cheapest hotdogs, for $3.00 a piece.  A small price to pay for all that delicious pork “product.”

Team Marketing Research [TMR]

Prices Do Not Include Your First Born [Deadspin]

I Believe They Call This Getting “Poned!”

// September 18th, 2009 // 8 Comments » // Rob Lunn, Uncategorized

If ever there was a definition for Poned. (or if you are with me and just realized that was a word/phrase commonly used on this thing here we call “The Internet”)  I think that this is it.  The Buffalo News did a story on the lack of a story after Terrell Owen’s first game (excerpt below).  Although for me (and now you reading this) the real story is the commenters after the article hit the web.  This is EXACTLY why the Buffalo News needs comment ninjas.  The definition of PONED:

Buffalo News:

Sullivan: As a leader T.O. dropped the ball

When the Bills signed Terrell Owens, we were told he would be a leader for a young team, a better teammate than we realized, a star who would bring some straight talk and swagger to the locker room.

So I had looked forward to hearing T.O. speak after his first real game as a Bill. And after Monday night’s 25-24 loss to the Patriots, a lot of the media were eager to hear what the iconic receiver would say, what comforting words he would offer to his team and fans.

The answer was nothing. Owens pulled the old silent act after Buffalo blew a late 11-point lead in New England. He took a pass. This article is the gold-standard example as to why 50% of newspaper sports columnists will be waiting tables within the next 10 years. The phrases “beating a dead horse”, “tunnel vision” and “dude, grow up” all apply here. [See: steroids.] Sportswriters have become disconnected with their readership on a level that rivals the relationship between politicians and their constituents. The case of T.O. is the most glaring example. For some reason, Sullivan (along with every other sportswriter in America) has decided to assume the role of moral-highroader/paper evangelist, coming to the conclusion that not only do readers need ANOTHER Terrell Owens’ story, but they are also the only ones smart enough to interpret his actions/non-actions for us. In the process, they reveal the very same self-important, opportunistic qualities that they pretend to rally against during their anti-T.O.-ramblings. Give it up Jerry. Seriously. When will guys like Sullivan realize that their readers know their true motive: self-promotional, big-name piggybacking. Most likely at the same time they realize that they need to start updating their resumes. Kind you can’t drop.

“You’re wasting your time,” Owens told a horde of reporters at his locker. “I have nothing to say.”

Perhaps T.O. concluded it wasn’t in his self-interest to speak. Maybe he had to clear it with those two female advisers, to make certain it didn’t compromise his well-crafted public image.  [the rest here]

Ponage:

This article is the gold-standard example as to why 50% of newspaper sports columnists will be waiting tables within the next 10 years. The phrases “beating a dead horse”, “tunnel vision” and “dude, grow up” all apply here. [See: steroids.] Sportswriters have become disconnected with their readerership on a level that rivals the relationship between politicians and their constituents. The case of T.O. is the most glaring example. For some reason, Sullivan (along with every other sportswriter in America) has decided to assume the role of moral-highroader/paper evangelist, coming to the conclusion that not only do readers need ANOTHER Terrell Owens’ story, but they are also the only ones smart enough to interpret his actions/non-actions for us. In the process, they reveal the very same self-important, opportunistic qualities that they pretend to rally against during their anti-T.O.-ramblings. Give it up Jerry. Seriously. When will guys like Sullivan realize that their readers know their true motive: self-promotional, big-name piggybacking. Most likely at the same time they realize that they need to start updating their resumes.

Well, score one for the bloggers commenters.

Buffalo Columnist Outraged By T.O.’s Good Behavior [Deadspin]

As a leader, T.O dropped the ball [The Buffalo News]

NFL WEEK 2 PREVIEW

// September 17th, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

nfl

Fatpickle and I decided to double team this post—-check out his new site here, and enjoy!

-FWG

AFC EAST
PATRIOTS
FP: I’m anxious to see if it was the jersey that made Brady look so slow…or he’s not fully recovered?
FWG: I was at that game… Stiff. Like a boner in a strip club, rigor mortis– stiff.

JETS

FP: A very nice start to the Rex Ryan and “Dirty” Sanchez era in NY.
FWG: I was wondering how long it would be before you throw in a “Dirty” Sanchez. In an act of defiance I will be referring to him as, Mark “Rust Trombone”DOLPHINS
FP: Has the “wildcat” already jumped the shark?
FWG: Miami has the “Wildcat”, the eagles have “The Pitbull” (too soon?)BUF
FP: A couple more weeks of catching 2 passes a game and T.O.’s going to be a little restless…to say the least.
FWG: I think it’s safe to say that Dick Jauron’s is on the hotseat.AFC NORTH
BAL
FP: After many years the Ravens finally have a good offense, if it’s not too late for the D…they will go deep into the playoffs.
FWG: Probably the only competition for the Steelers in the AFC, Flacco’s strong arm will take them far.PIT
FP: Big win for the Steelers to start the year, but they will need to get more production at RB, don’t think Parker can do it anymore.CLE
FP: Anxious to see if Brady Quinn can be the man at QB, I’m sure Mangini and Brown’s fans are too.
FWG: Cleveland finally has the QB position solitified—hopefully the rest of the organization can follow suit.CIN
FP: Wow! What a horrible way to lose a game…but where was all the offensive firepower we were going to see again this year?
FWG: Ochocinco’s production? What production?

AFC SOUTH

IND
FP: Can anyone tell me why I didn’t have Reggie Wayne higher on my fantasy draftboard?
FWG: Attention INDY Fans, you’ve got an UNBELIEVABLE running back with Donald Brown.TEN
FP: They are not going to lose many games with that running game and defense.
FWG: Kearse. Done.HOU
FP: Most disappointing opening weekend for any team, especially from a fantasy perspective.
FWG: Former teammate and clipboard holder extraordinaire Dan Orlovski is playing..er…clibboard holding on your sidelines for 3.3 million a year. Disappointing indeed.JAC
FP: Jack Del Rio or David Garrard, who’s going to lose their job first?
FWG: I’m not a betting man, but I’m going to say Jim Tressel.AFC WEST
SD
FP: For his career, LT has averaged 115 yds rushing per game against Oakland, he got 14 touches Monday night.DEN
FP: Hail Mary, Full of grace …
FWG: Ahh, I see you’ve been reading the “How To Be A Bills Fan” manual…KC
FP: Hey Brodie Croyle, nice game against a tough D.
FWG: Ditto?OAK
FP: Heyward-Bey 0 catches, Tom Cable “I thought I saw a real nervous uptight young man,”…maybe he thought you were going to punch him.
FWG: This will by Tyvonn Branch’s breakout season in Oakland. Get your starter jackets out of retirement.NFC EAST
NYG
FP: I’m calling it right now, they do not win the Division, might not make the playoffs.
FWG: Blasphemous! But, But…hes…a..a, a Manning!PHI
FP: They laid the wood to Carolina and didn’t miss a beat with the new D-coordinator.
FWG: I want to see Philly fail, rib injury aside they looked very good.DAL
FP: Their offense is scary…lots of options there.
FWG: Romo’s Three TD Passes are a hat tip to his new focus (sans Jessica Simpson) offensive weapons aside, Dallas could finally win a playoff game this yearWAS
FP: They lost to STL last year and only beat DET on a Santana Moss punt return, don’t overlook any team in the NFL.
FWG: I’ll assume this is your 30 beers talking, but again the Skins don’t look horrible this year, not to mention your fans are everywhere.NFC WEST
GB
FP: Like I said last week, I’m totally in love with this team.
FWG: Agreed. I love A.J. Hawk and his long flowing locks.MIN
FP: Peterson is a freak and may allow Favre to have his highest QB rating ever!
FWG: Everyone is talking about the offense here, hello—Jared Allen and the rest of Dom Capers should be proud.DET
FP: Bet against them until further notice, Stafford game 1- 3 INT’s and a 27.4 QB rating.
FWG: A losing team in Detroit? Oh, I’ll believe it when I see it….CHI
FP: Relax Bear’s fans Jay Cutler is really not as bad as he was Monday night, at least I don’t think he is?
FWG: Well, 4 INT’s might beg to differ…NFC SOUTH
NO
FP: If healthy all year Brees goes for 45TD’s and 5,000 yards…did Reggie Bush forget how to rush for positive yardage?
FWG: No. Reggie Bush drinks Coke Zero, cause he likes things that are good, but never quite lived up to their hype.ATL
FP: This team is good and will win this division easily.
FWG: Matt Ryan went 22 of 26 for 229 and 2 TDs— I concurr, Dr.TB
FP: Cadillac Williams was the lone bright spot, his burst is back & looks fully recovered from knee injuries.
CAR
FP: Should we stick a fork in Jake Delhomme…is the fat lady singing?
FWG: She done sung.NFC WEST
SEA
FP: You can’t beat a 28 –zippy win, it was the Rams…but still.
FWG: Please never, ever say zippy again, and yes, the Rams suck.SF
FP: I’m calling it right here, the 49er’s win this division.ARI
FP: Kurt Warner looked a little like the 04-05 edition of Kurt Warner last week.
FWG: Meaning what? He and his wife have matching haircuts again?STL
FP: Bright spot in box score, rookie Jim Laurinaitis with 14 tackles and a fumble recovery.
FWG: Probably the only bright spot for Ohio State fans this past weekend…Cheers and Hail

9 Questions With A Patriots Cheerleader

// September 16th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

alyssa-tosoni-2

I know, I know.  I have the absolute worst job in the world.  I did an interview with Patriots Cheerleader Alyssa Tosoni.  Not only was she a great interview, she’s also a great person.

1. You go to school at UConn, which is split between Giants fans and Patriots fans. With such a heated rivalry, how do you deal with representing the Pats on the field and on campus?

Tosoni: I actually transferred to the University of Rhode Island, but like UConn, URI has many Giants fans. Being a Patriots cheerleader and Patriots fan, I am so proud to have the ability to represent my favorite team on campus, so I can take a little banter from Giants fans every now and again. I think a heated rivalry is one of the best parts of being a sports fan.

2. What advice do you have for all the girlfriends of sports nuts out there?

Tosoni: Let them enjoy it! It’s important for everyone to be passionate about something, and for guys, it’s often sports. I would advise girls to put some effort in trying to enjoy the sports their guys like, and turn it into something they can do together. As long as the guys aren’t trading in their girlfriends for ESPN and nachos every night, I think it’s a healthy habit.

3. Besides the Patriots, what teams do you root for?

Tosoni: My dad is a huge sports fan, so I also grew up rooting for the Red Sox and the Celtics. In high school, I started to follow college basketball and football and attended many of the UConn games. It didn’t take long for me to become a fan of the Huskies as well.


alyssa-tosoni

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

// September 15th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Swayze is now the head bouncer cooler at that big Double Deuce in the sky.  No I.D.? No entry, partner.

Sure I work as a bouncer from time to time.  And yah, I watch Roadhouse everynight before work, just to get all juiced up for the occasion.  Just like I watched Dirty Dancing before my high school prom, Point Break before I took my FBI exam, and Ghost before all those pottery classes.  Patrick Swayze was an American hero.  This weekend, I’ll be hosting  “Crazy Swayze”  night in Boston.  You should come.

Remember….Nobody puts Baby in the corner….