Archive for February, 2010

This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse: The Snowicane

// February 25th, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

snowicane

It’s clear sailing here in Boston, while the rest of the North East, including Rochester, NY is getting  hammered with snow, as my parents felt was news worthy enough for a 6am call.  But no, let’s take it a step further.  Let’s call it a “snowicane.”  What the hell is a Snowicane?  That word can’t be real.  The product of some overworked, underpaid hack from the Weather Channel.  Basically just scaring people into buying obscene amounts of canned goods.  Which I never understood, at all.  Mad run on the grocery store to survive the 12 inches of snow you get EVERY YEAR living in the North East. Cool it with the “I am Legend” stuff, alright?  Then of course there will be the obligatory interview with some resident of “small-town-hit-by-storm, USA”, and Susie Homemaker will be all surprised.  She literally “can’t believe” the weather.  Look, you live there, you moved or grew up there.  This has been happening every winter for the last 1,000 years.  How is it possible you’re suprised?  You can’t possibly be that dumb.  I bet you think strippers like you too.  Its 12+ inches. (that’s what she said).  You can start freaking out when we get 4+ feet and your stuck huddled around a fire eating cans of Cambells Chunky for 3 days.  Until then, chill with this SNOWICANE crap.

The Girlfriend to FWG: “You Suck At Left Overs”

// February 24th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

lasagna

The site is called Thoughts From a Fat White Guy for  reason.  The reason being, I’m fat.  So imagine my surprise when my roommate (ehem, girlfriend) was all fired up that I ate the last serving of lasagna in our fridge.  I mean, here I was thinking this was an unwritten rule, a common law understanding.  Like, you leave the house and go to your “real job” and I get to stay home and blog, and thus have free reign on the refrigerator.  The home office pretty much makes this place my kingdom.  Like Robin Hood, you can’t kill deer in the King’s forest.  Well in this case my forest is a GE Stackable, and the deer?  Her mom’s excellent lasagna.  So when I got an email saying “you suck at left-0vers” I nearly choked on my piping hot serving of lasagna.  I suck at em? on the contrary, I kick ass at them.  I’m like the Ali of leftovers. I might have been mediocre at college football, but mid day meals…. The fuckin’ greatest.

Expect WWIII when she’s home (via G-Chat):

me: im blogging about the lasagna dispute
Alexandra: u suck

Paterno’s Glasses Go for $9,000 at auction

// February 23rd, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

joe-paternoYet another thing I’ll have to hear from every resident of Pennsylvania for the rest of eternity.  Sure those glasses are like a miniature Hubble perched on his over sized schnoz, but $9,000?  In related news, Bobby Bowden auctioned off his signature straw hat for $8,000 but then had to give some of the money back.

FWG Morning Links

// February 23rd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Tim Tebow

Draft status upgrade?…Tebow unveils new throwing motion. [Sun Sentinel]

Florida Gators are excited to unveil new –look running attack for 2010. [Orlando Sentinel]

The destruction of LaMichael James before our eyes. [The Register-Guard]

Vernon Gholston’s “bust” tag still affecting OSU players hopeful of playing in The League. [The Plain Dealer]

This Week In Insinuation and Juxtaposition….

// February 22nd, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

82600420DB010_Wake_Forest_D

With several Oregon Ducks getting dismissed  over the weekend for what I’ll call a “lapse in judgement” and then the debacle of their 2009 season opener against Boise State. I’m starting to think I should take my orange and teal starter jacket out of retirement.  It’s like the glory days of the U, we are just a few failed drug tests and gang shootings away from Eugene becoming the new Miami.

Ole Miss Mascot Hunt

// February 19th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Ole Miss is still struggling to try and find a mascot, grasping for something a little more “PC” (Politically Correct, try and keep up).  You know there will always be someone complaining no matter what they choose, even UConn had it’s fair share of PETA protests for having Jonathan The Husky as our mascot.  Although, one year that poor bastard looked like he was about to have heat stroke at the spring game….who would have thought that huskies are not suited for 95 degree weather.  Time to evolve, bitches.   Anyway, the fine folks at Every Day Should Be Saturday offered this solution:ole-miss-admiral-akbare[EDSBS]

Morning Links….

// February 19th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

oregon-jermiah-masoli-jordan-holmesYour browser may not support display of this image.

The last month has been pretty wild at the correctional facility they’re running up in Eugene, Oregon. [Orlando Sentinel]

Alabama junior suspended for violating team rules. [Tuscaloosa News]

In Iowa you might get killed for honking at a man. [The Sun News]

Suh is stepping up to the plate to show the scouts what he’s got. [NESN]

[Published by Andrew The Intern]

Good Morning…That’s What She Said

// February 17th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

thats-what-she-saidI’m sure this has been circulating around the Internet and I’m just the last to see it.  Actually I’m certain of that, since that’s how this operation works here at FWG.  We see something last, we report it like its first.  That’s blogging 101, friend.  But back to this detention notice.  I wonder who this over zealous, self-righteous teacher was, handing out detention with no regard.  The kid is obviously hilarious, and who the hell does she think she is having to note that “you have to push it in further” is just an “innocent comment.”  Who’s intelligence is she insulting? The Principal?  Mine? The masses who read this blog.  Someone needs to take this woman down a peg or two.  And yeah I’ve assumed it’s a woman, because obviously any guy teacher would think that’s hilarious and/or give this student a high-five.  Dear Teacher, I hope you’re satisfied.  (That’s what she said).

Thanks to Marwan/Corey for the tip.

Twitter Has Gone Too Far…This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse

// February 16th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized


It says it cant monitor barking, napping, and eating.  Great.  But can it measure “just licked my balls for 20 minute straight in front of the company” or “I peed on Rob’s pillow” or “oh no! he’s getting the peanut butter again”

I sure hope not.

via Zach @ [GawkerTV]

FWG Morning Links

// February 16th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

hot-girl-tits-apples-and-moustaches

I guess SEC East teams aren’t the only thing Florida likes to smack around down there in the “Good Ol’ Swamp”! (side note: other things include unruly fans and the occaisonal

Sam Keller’s hissy fit on why his attributes aren’t stacked in EA’s NCAA Football might win him a couple dollars, and I might be part of the class action suit.

Everything is bigger in Texas, including the NCAA smack-down.  Texas is trying to have their cake and eat it too!