// March 17th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized
I don’t care what the likes of ESPN’s talking heads pick, so tell me why exactly would I care what McDreamy thinks of Cornell’s chances as the 12 seed? Pack it in America, it was a fun 234 years, but this little experiment is now officially over. You can cite perfectly quaffed hair as the cause.
Thanks to Cait for the Tip
// March 17th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Went back to my old high school while I’m back in New York. I know it sounds cliche to say this but, they must have improved everything about that school the minute I left. Our football field? Gone, replaced with field turf, new stadium, and separate track facility. I’m not saying I enjoyed getting tackled onto rocks, or tripping over exposed irrigation systems, I’m not even saying that made a tougher better player. No, I’m just insinuating that. Excuse me for taking the stance of the high school wash up (visiting my old school pretty much solidified that) but, these kids are soft. Not soft in a cute way either. But I will give the little bastards this much, they have great taste in what they read on the Internet.
That’s right, Thoughts From a Fat White Guy is a high school sensation. Coincidentally its also pretty big with the AARP set, as evidenced by my grandfather’s numerous friends at Dunkin’ Donuts telling me how much they enjoyed it. Yes, he hangs out at D&D and now I feel like I should probably take down those girls in bikini’s for lead-ins. Maybe replace them with a Model T or something. Or Justin Beiber, you know…for the kids.
So rest easy, America. Not only am I influencing our next generation with this witty (not to be confused with shitty) blog, but I’m also easing seniors into grave with clever puns and liberal use of parenthesis.
Have a good day.
There is definitely a ratio of how far away my dog is to me, divided by how large her poop is which determines whether or not I pick it up. Yeah that’s me justifying the dump she took on my neighbors lawn this morning.
I’ll be on Martha’s Vineyard all summer. Two words, one terrifying battle with the animal kingdom: SHARK WEEK.
// March 16th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
You know in the Blogosphere, Monday is the most important day of the week. Its the time when everyone gets back on their computer and says “Gee this raging hangover sucks, I’m going to zone out for the next 4 to 5 hours, contemplate some of these life choices, pretend I’m doing work and read Thoughts From A Fat White Guy”. Well congrats on achieving middle-management, you are the reason we do like 20,000 hits on a Monday and by Friday we barely register a blip. Well, imagine how bad I feel that yesterday I didn’t post any fresh content.
Let’s say I had my own “demons” to deal with after St. Patrick’s day festivities in Boston. I never want to see that many angry, drunk, pale skinned individuals in one place ever again….or unless I’m ever at a UVA football game again.
See, I had to drive back to Rochester, NY to see the family (I call it keeping up appearances). Not only that but with the NFL site such a huge success, we’ve decided to go forth and spew our opinions all over Major League Baseball….so we’re prepping the launch of Thoughts From a Fat White Guy: MLB Edition. Thus beginning another ridiculous chapter in my obscure career.
That’s all for now, enjoy the visual stimulation, and I appreciate your continued support of what we (the royal we, dude) are trying to do here: Provide journalistically irresponsibly opinions on college and professional sports, while watching our arteries slowly clog.
Cheers.
I saw Brady Quinn got traded and Jakey D got resigned. I wish someone would pay me $20 million to be mediocre at my job. Instead, they pay me nothing, and I’m still mediocre.
I received a call from Coach Randy Edsall this morning. For those new to the site (try and keep up), he’s my former head coach. Even though its been almost 2 years since he’s been in control of my every move, the phone rings, I see its him and my heart just drops. “No! No! No more 6am runs….no…I didn’t miss breakfast check.” I’ll chalk it up to the amount of undying respect I have for the man, but I could do without the self-soiling that occurrs in that brief moment of terror.
// March 12th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
The draft is nearing. Do you know where your Bill’s fans are?*
// March 11th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Short and sweet, I don’t put too much stock in the combine or draft. And not just cause the Bills have dropped the ball for like the last 10 years. You want proof of how the Draft and Combine can be misleading? Here:
// March 11th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized
I probably owe my legions of loyal followers an apology for my lack of attentiveness for the blog. I’m out here operating on the boundaries of legitimacy, to bring you fresh content as you work your “real” job. Well, in the midst of all this blogging excitement, some people have taken a real interest in the blog. Impressed by our numbers, oh did I mention we did a million hits? (Yeah no biggie on that)…so we are getting advertisers on the blog. Who knew Thoughts From A Fat White Guy would be such a cult classic, the likes of a John Hughes movie.
In light of recent success, I’m vowing to include the “Final Thoughts” section again, you know for the purists.
I babysat the girlfriend’s little sisters this weekend (keep that between us though). How nice it must be to have someone be like “now your napping” “now your eating” and what an unreal level of trust to just be able to take a dump in your pants, look at someone and say “you got this or what?”
A few weeks back I was heartbroken to find out that AIM is dead. Like, if you use that shit you might as well be listening to an 8-track. This is, of course, according to my teenage cousins. Who laughed when I asked what their Screen Names were. Apparently they are all over Facebook, using that chat function and posting pictures that will someday make them unemployable. Has Facebook really gotten that big? I remember the good old days when it was used to stalk other college kids and single women. Side note: I’ll never stop using AIM….ever. Come find me: Lunnde52 (yeah that’s the high school football screen name…for those keeping score)
// March 9th, 2010 // No Comments » // Justice, Uconn, Uncategorized, wob
So according to this, Ellsbury’s “SPARQ” rating is 102.31 which, is a little bit of a convoluted calculation if you ask me, but go ahead and try it here (using Nike’s SPARQULATOR!) I’ll refrain from tackling the whole “this is simply a marketing ploy” by Nike angle, because the whole corporate America thing is played out. But I will say this, the means of measuring Ellsbury’s athleticism are by no means widely accepted as the standard by strength coaches and professionals around the United States. Sure, the vertical jump, 5-10-5 and 30 yard (and 40 yard) dash are measures of speed, power, and agility, but Nike is using a measuring stick that is wildly inaccurate. First, the “jump pad” (which is used to measure vertical leap by calculating the time he leaves the pad to the time he lands) is easily manipulated, which is why every “real” evaluation (including the NFL combine) doesn’t use this method.
Read the full analysis over at NESN.com
Hat Tip: [Barstool Sports]
// March 9th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Look, it ain’t gonna win an Oscar, but if you want something you can enjoy a cheap laugh about (no, not Charlie Weis) go see this movie. One of the advantages of being a world renown blogger (and having a cousin that gets hit on by movie execs at PF-Changs) is getting to see advance screenings of epic films, such as this one. The premise is weak, but the storyline, actors, and comedy don’t take themselves seriously, which is refreshing.
And there are enough 80’s cliches to keep the hipsters and the nostalgia crowd happy, which is pretty boss (see what I did there?). Take a peek, don’t bring the family, and try not to leave thinking that rampant cocaine use was normal in the 80’s (unless you were on the Dallas Cowboys).
// March 8th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
I watched the Oscars last night. Which is probably the most self-absorbed event on the planet. Not to mention that “thing” from Precious was out in full force. Sorry if I’m being insensitive, but it was like Sandra Bullock and Mo’Nique (I apologize if I’ve misplaced the apostrophe) were out to end racism through….get this….broad and sweeping racist generalizations. Let me step down off my soap box for a minute to congratulate Tyler Perry for the only moment of honesty in the night when he said “I’ll probably never be up here again.” What Tyler? Why? I know, I know, I felt like “I can do bad all by myself” got snubbed this year too. What exactly is the Academy watching?
Anyway, the Hurt Locker dominated, as it should of, and the close ups of James Cameron spending most of the evening sitting down were epic. Sure, I’ve taken that left turn to negative town early this morning. Missing from the crowd was Michael Moore, who despite an awful take on politics, always makes me feel great knowing there is one guy who is far fatter and self righteous than I.
Anyway, on a lighter note, Thoughts From A Fat White Guy has grown considerably in the past year, thanks for supporting me and our team here (Jay, Andrew The Intern, Tech-Guy-Greg, and JoJo). You didn’t think I was here making the magic all by myself, did you? Not possible…I’m not a machine.
P.S.
I should have mentioned this before, but as the girlfriend sat on the couch with me, she said “Penelope is really your girl, isn’t she.” Apparently my jaw hitting the floor every time she was on camera was evidence enough. Call it strange, but I think her lack of regard for (or command of) the English language only turns me on more. It’s like “Screw-chu Ah-mer-icah. I’m going to roll mi arrrrrrh’s foreverrrrr” Hot. Vicky Christina Barcelona:
// March 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Sure I’m here Chat-Rouletting…trying to promote the blog. And I get owned by this kid. Anyway, its Friday. Its a slow day, and I’m cutting out early to go snowboarding.
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