Conan O’Brien Came To Boston

// June 7th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I went and saw Conan O’Brien at the Wang Theater in Boston on Friday night.  Nothing short of tremendous, as he talked about the woes of growing up in a struggling upper middle class family in one of Bostons toughest, most affluent suburbs, Brookline.  Birthplace of other famous people like John and Bobby Kennedy.  Truly the school of hardknocks.

Anyway here’s the clip, video sucks sorry I’m not sorry.

p.s.

Jay Leno sucks

The Rook Presents: Spandex is not fun for the whole family, it’s for has-beens

// June 6th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Why not run a 3.5-mile race in 90% humidity with a gang bang of over 9,000 sweaty co-workers ?

Last night I laced up my Shox for the Chase Corporate Challenge, or as Upstate NY claims, the “region’s biggest company party”.  Pretty sure that means the ‘region’s biggest YMCA locker room nightmare.’  Everyone orders those obnoxious neon t-shirts with nicknames that no one gets like “Juggernaut” or “Bean Counter”.  People who take themselves way too seriously and sit behind a desk for a reason.  Energy jelly beans.  Fanny packs.  Knee socks.  And on my way to the starting line, I was flocked by a pack of old dudes - their balls suctioned in spandex.  Instant seizure.  P.S. We’re not running for Olympic gold here.  Keep your milliseconds and your dignity.

My teenage brother is in the throws of college applications.  After dodging the pork swords and FUPAs throughout the Challenge, I immediately went home to stamp/seal about 20 of my bro’s recruitment DVDs to be overnighted.  Then sorted his wish list of universities.  On an Excel file.  By NCAA division.

Yes that was the last Corporate Challenge for me.  No I will not let my brother go without signing a major league contract.

Here’s why:   I know all you former athletes are feeling me.   Even the benchwarmers can say that we held ourselves to a higher caliber of athletic prowess than the fleet feet-ers.  But when graduation came around…most of us, minus a select talented few, traded in the jerseys of competitive sports for hand-made beer olympics t-shirts, Kan Jam tournaments, and company softball teams.  Now I blog…and tone regularly on the YMCA ellipticals.  It’s the circle of life.

While I ruined my knees from sprinting suicides on the court, you jogged in a straight line for hours.  Why should I be subjected to your has-been cult trying to rub your ’sport’ in my face?  I sat through too many of those No Tolerance assemblies to now be damned by the cross country team’s glory events like Corporate Challenges and turkey trot 5ks that are ‘fun for the whole family’.  Save your freak show and shattered dreams for the locker room.  Sorry.  That I’m not sorry.

I Just Read Cosmo, Not Surprisingly It Reminded Me Of The Gayest Conversation I’ve Ever Had

// June 2nd, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

So my girlfriend sends me this link about what your celebrity crush says about you.  I promptly reminded her that this is why I refuse to take her seriously, but then I was instantly reminded of a conversation I had with 4 football players about 2 years ago at 2:30 in the morning.  I won’t be mentioning names because unlike me they still have careers and futures free of Google search ahead of them.

So there we were, several soda-pop’s deep, talking about the greatest action movies of all time.  Of course anything with Stallone was a shoe in, but Predator was my go-to as I gave my deepest and best Arnold, “I see that desk job has made you weak!”  Then it was on to the virtues of Arnold versus Stallone versus VanDamm etc, etc. Finally I dropped another bombshell, “I’m sorry, but for my money it doesn’t get any better than Harrison Ford, call it what you want but he may very well be my man crush”

There was an awkward silence hanging in the air, a long pause, followed by one of my teammates offering.  “Harrison Ford does have the silver-fox thing going for him, but if we are talking on screen acting prowess and sex appeal, then Jonny Depp is my man crush”

Without missing a beat, another friend chimed in with “Depp? Please, Orlando Bloom has such soulful eyes”

For a brief momemnt we all exhaled and pondered just what Orlando Bloom’s eyes meant to us.  Yup, soulful.  You got it.

The conversation continued for another 10 minutes, debating the merrits of Ryan Gosling (no one plays southern charm like Gosling, and I mean no one).  We all passed out as visions of hearthrobs danced in our heads.

We never spoke of it again.

Take away message:

Next  time we think about brusing off celebrity gossip or our girlfriend’s insistance that “Speidi” is headed for trouble again,  think about that voice whispering deep in your soul, “Harrison Ford is a silver fox”

Guy Proposes With Spectacular Dance Routine, No Way He’s Not Gay

// June 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

At first I wanted to be like, well thanks a lot  asshole, I guess me burying the ring in the Girlfriend’s Coco Puffs won’t quite cut it now that she’s seen this (she sent it to me, you know “on the online).  But then I realized, there is no way this guy isn’t gay.  Sure he’s proposing, but he’s using jazz fingers, choreographed dance moves, and LOTS of facial expression to do so.  That’s when I realized, “Yup he’s gay” this is all part of a clever cover-up.  Nothing wrong with it, bro.  You do you, but if he’s going to try and ruin romance for me and my better half (read: movies on the couch) then he needs to expect for me to call him out.

I guarantee his boyfriend at the 2:38 mark isn’t too happy about how all this is going down.