Jacoby Ellsbury Declared By Nike To Be The Best Athlete Of All Time?….NOT SO FAST

// March 9th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uconn, Uncategorized

So according to this, Ellsbury’s  “SPARQ” rating is 102.31 which, is a little bit of a convoluted calculation if you ask me, but go ahead and try it here (using Nike’s SPARQULATOR!) I’ll refrain from tackling the whole “this is simply a marketing ploy” by Nike angle, because the whole corporate America thing is played out.  But I will say this, the means of measuring Ellsbury’s athleticism are by no means widely accepted as the standard by strength coaches and professionals around the United States.  Sure, the vertical jump, 5-10-5 and 30 yard (and 40 yard) dash are measures of speed, power, and agility, but Nike is using a measuring stick that is wildly inaccurate.  First, the “jump pad” (which is used to measure vertical leap by calculating the time he leaves the pad to the time he lands) is easily manipulated, which is why every “real” evaluation (including the NFL combine) doesn’t use this method.

If the vertical leap is measured by time from take off to landing, simple arching or curling the feet (frontwards or backwards) would skew the results.  Secondly, for the 5-10-5 laser start and finish (not hand held) is the definitive standard for speed, same for the 30 (or 40) yard sprint.  Is Ellsbury a tremendous athlete? Obviously.  Are these numbers accurate? Absolutely not.

Hat Tip: [Barstool Sports]

FWG Goes to Hot Tub Time Machine

// March 9th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Look, it ain’t gonna win an Oscar, but if you want something you can enjoy a cheap laugh about (no, not Charlie Weis) go see this movie.  One of the advantages of being a world renown blogger (and having a cousin that gets hit on by movie execs at PF-Changs) is getting to see advance screeners of epic films, such as this one.  The premise is weak, but the storyline, actors, and comedy don’t take themselves seriously, which is refreshing.

And there are enough 80’s cliches to keep the hipsters and the nostalgia crowd happy, which is pretty boss (see what I did there?).  Take a peek, don’t bring the family, and try not to leave thinking that rampant cocaine use was normal in the 80’s (unless you were on the Dallas Cowboys).

FWG Goes To The Oscars

// March 8th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I watched the Oscars last night.  Which is probably the most self-absorbed event on the planet.  Not to mention that “thing” from precious was out in full force.  Sorry if I’m being insensitive, but it was like Sandra Bullock and Mo’Nique (I apologize if I’ve misplaced the apostrophe) were out to end racism thought….get this….broad and sweeping racist generalizations.  Let me step down off my soap box for a minute to congratulate Tyler Perry for the only moment of honesty in the night when he said “I’ll probably never be up here again.”  What Tyler? Why? I know, I know, I felt like “I can do bad all by myself” got snubbed this year too.  What exactly is the Academy watching?

Anyway, the Hurt Locker dominated, as it should of, and the close ups of James Cameron spending most of the evening sitting down were epic.  Sure, I’ve taken that left turn to negative town early this morning. Missing from the crowd was Michael Moore, who despite an awful take on politics, always makes me feel great knowing there is one guy who is far fatter and self righteous than I.

Anyway, on a lighter note, Thoughts From A Fat White Guy has grown considerably in the past year, thanks for supporting me and our team here (Jay, Andrew The Intern, Tech-Guy-Greg, and JoJo).  You didn’t think I was here making the magic all by myself, did you?  Not possible…I’m not a machine.

P.S.

I should have mentioned this before, but as the girlfriend sat on the couch with me, she said “Penelope is really your girl, isn’t she.”  Apparently my jaw hitting the floor every time she was on camera was evidence enough.  Call it strange, but I think her lack of regard for (or command of) the English language only turns me on more.  It’s like “Screw-chu Ah-mer-icah. I’m going to roll mi arrrrrrh’s foreverrrrr” Hot.  Vicky Christina Barcelona:

I Just Got Owned on Chat Roulette….By This Guy

// March 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Sure I’m here Chat-Rouletting…trying to promote the blog.  And I get owned by this kid.  Anyway, its Friday.  Its a slow day, and I’m cutting out early to go snowboarding.

Let’s Face It, If You Were a Hedgehog, You’d Be This One

// March 4th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Some in the “blogging community” say leading with a video like this is lazy.  It demonstrates a lack of depth, and only perpetuates the stereotype of the useless blogger, hurling his mindless sentiments on an unwanting public.  Well, if posting  “Over Weight Hedghog” is wrong, I don’t want to be right.  I don’t want to live in world that discriminates against fat animals, unless those fat animals are…ya know…fat chicks.  Wait, this hedge hog got fat by eating to much dog food and then swam laps in a pool (bathtub)?  You sure this isn’t the FWG bio-pic we’ve been waiting for?

Thanks to Parsons-Pub for the tip.

I Want An Oompa Loompa Now!

// March 4th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Well combine is over, I’m out here scrambling for things to talk about, as the draft approaches.  I will be going to a few prodays, so I’ll have that to talk about.  Pretty much, I’m just living the dream here in Boston.  My roommate, or as she likes to be called my “girlfriend” is campaigning for me to parlay this blog into a free Motorola Droid for her (see her sales pitch below).  But I told her, that free laundry and internet fame were about all that Thoughts From a Fat White Guy brings to the table.  I mean, don’t get mad at me, you’re the one that signed up for this ride.  You broke it you bought it.

Your Fat White…err…Black Guy Moment Of The Week

// March 2nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Go ahead and fast forward to the 40 second mark.

The Penn State football team has really outdone themselves with this one.  “Thon” is a fundraiser at Penn State that raises money for Childhood Cancer Research.  Not only is the football team supporting an excellent cause, but unlike the talent shows of my youth, the fat kid has a time to shine.  Which would be #75, freshman defensive tackle Evan Hailes.  You gotta love it when the fat kid can move.

Hat Tip [EDSBS]

WAKE UP! Morning Links…

// March 2nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Suh proves the hype at The Combine. [The Examiner]

Eric Berry says he’s the best player in this year’s NFL Draft. [The Tennessean]

Maybe you shouldn’t piss off football players who go to school for military tactics? [The Charleston Post Courier]

Reporter wanted to know if Sam Bradford would feel awkward playing for the Redskins…awkward. [Fanhouse]

Jimmy Clausen’s leadership put in question during the interview process. [USA Today]

Wake Up! Boston Radio Wars, Combine Results, and FWG-NFL on ESPN HOUSTON!

// March 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

We did our feature on ESPN Radio 97.5- Houston on Thursday, have a listen as I get cut off by poor cellular reception, and leave the future of the “FWG” brand to Jay.  He does excellent.

It’s a proud day to be a Bostonian, the so called “radio wars” have been escalated, at the hand of Andy Massaua (The Big Show) who sent “thinely vailed homophobic insults” at the Sports Hub.  So he called him Canadian.  Who cares?

Jay has combine results over on FWG-NFL, who stood out and who didn’t.  Hint, Tim Tebow in the latter.

This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse: The Snowicane

// February 25th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s clear sailing here in Boston, while the rest of the North East, including Rochester, NY is getting  hammered with snow, as my parents felt was news worthy enough for a 6am call.  But no, let’s take it a step further.  Let’s call it a “snowicane.”  What the hell is a Snowicane?  That word can’t be real.  The product of some overworked, underpaid hack from the Weather Channel.  Basically just scaring people into buying obscene amounts of canned goods.  Which I never understood, at all.  Mad run on the grocery store to survive the 12 inches of snow you get EVERY YEAR living in the North East. Cool it with the “I am Legend” stuff, alright?  Then of course there will be the obligatory interview with some resident of “small-town-hit-by-storm, USA”, and Susie Homemaker will be all surprised.  She literally “can’t believe” the weather.  Look, you live there, you moved or grew up there.  This has been happening every winter for the last 1,000 years.  How is it possible you’re suprised?  You can’t possibly be that dumb.  I bet you think strippers like you too.  Its 12+ inches. (that’s what she said).  You can start freaking out when we get 4+ feet and your stuck huddled around a fire eating cans of Cambells Chunky for 3 days.  Until then, chill with this SNOWICANE crap.