Morning Football Links: National Signing Day, Morning Erections, Unicorn Horns, and The Downfall Of Barack Obama

// February 2nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Justice, Uconn, Uncategorized, wob

• Morning erection….of a statue of Nick Saban.  Nothing can get Saban (’s statue) erect like Al Moore [Tide Sports]

• Unicorn Horns.  Arbitrary and about as accurate as the “star system”  Ride into the rainbow. [NESN]

• National Signing Day is tomorrow, and there a are still a few “five stars” who are undecided.  like Seantrel Henderson, who is likely going to Ohio State, but won’t let anyone in on the secret [Twin Cities]

• B.J. Daniels is getting his shoulder operated on.  Things are currently the definition of “a mess” in South Florida [TampaBay.com]

• Health care debate?  What health care debate?  Obama is pondering the legality of the BCS.  God Bless the USA! [Dallas News]

2010 East-West Shrine Game: Players to Watch

// January 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Justice, Uconn, Uncategorized, wob

The College All-Star games are when a player’s stock has the most potential to rise or fall, as the speculation and evaluation gets harder with the 2010 NFL draft approaching. While the Senior Bowl is undoubtedly the most prestigious of the the postseason games, the East-West Shrine game is probably second — and is arguably the most important for mid-round players hoping to improve their chances.  With all 32 NFL teams in attendance, it is a week long showcase for players, so Jay and I are bringing you 5 players from each squad to watch…

EAST

1. Greg Hardy, DE - Ole Miss Rebels

Hardy is my number 1 player to watch on either team. Last year Hardy was supposed to be a 1^st round draft pick but he decided to come back to school. He missed almost half of the season with a few different injuries. Well now he is healthy and can show the NFL scouts that he can play at the next level. With a great game I think Hardy locks himself into being picked no later than the 2^nd round.

2. Blair White, WR - Michigan State Spartans

Former walk-on turned captain, Blair White, will have some questions to answer at the Shrine game. He had a great senior year with 70 catches for 990 yards and 9 TDs. The knock on White is that he isn’t that fast. He has great hands but will he be able to create space for himself at the next level?

3. O’Brien Schofield, DE - Wisconsin Badgers

Schofield was awesome for the Badgers this season. He had a great game vs. Miami in the Champs Sports Bowl where he recorded 2 sacks. He isn’t that big. He is extremely athletic and runs very well. Can he play DE at the next level? He may be in for a switch to a 3-4 OLB in the NFL.

1. Lindsey Witten, DE, UConn

Witten set the tone for pass-rushers in the Big East this season. He is tall and incredibly athletic, with good hands and an incredibly long frame. His brother, Donte Whitner, was the Buffalo Bills’ first-round draft pick out of Ohio State, so he has genetics in his favor. There are still some questions about his size and strength translating to the NFL in run-stopping situations, which has some scouts projecting him to play outside linebacker in rush situations as a pro. The Shrine game will give him a chance to showcase his toughness and speed and to improve his draft stock to the late second round.

5. Jarrett Brown, QB - West Virginia Mountaineers

At 6′4, 220 lbs., Brown has a great frame to play QB in the NFL. He is extremely athletic and has tremendous upside. He had an okay senior year, throwing only 11 TDs to his 9 INTs. He needs to show that he has the smarts to play QB at the next level. Can he read defenses and make smart, quick decisions? With a bad game he risks going undrafted however with a good game I think a NFL team will take a shot on him in the 5^th or 6^th round.

WEST

1. Max Hall, QB - BYU Cougars

Hall had a very good senior year as he led the Cougars to an 11-2 record. He threw for over 3,500 yards and 33 TDs. Hall doesn’t have a great body for an NFL QB. He stands just under 6′1 and weighs 200 pounds. Listen I don’t want to hear the Drew Brees excuse. (How Brees stands only 6′0 and weighs in around 210 pounds) He is an extreme exception to the rule

2. Joe Pawelek, LB - Baylor Bears

Pawelek was a monster for Baylor. He had over 100 tackles the last two years. The big question with him is his speed. Does he have what it takes to run sideline to sideline in the NFL? He has good instincts and with a good game I can see him being drafted in the 3^rd or 4^th round.

3. Dennis Pitta, TE - BYU Cougars

Pitta really has a chance to climb up draft boards here. Everyone has Jermaine Gresham from Oklahoma as their top rated TE but after that the rankings are up in the air. With a good game, I can see Pitta climbing up the rankings board and securing himself as the 2^nd rated TE.

4. Darrell Stuckey, S - Kansas Jayhawks

Stuckey played well for Kansas this year. He doesn’t have great size for a safety but he is very versatile and isn’t afraid to help out in the run game. With a good game, I think Stuckey can improve his draft stock and move up into the 2^nd round.

5.  Chris Brown, RB - Oklahoma Sooners

Brown’s stock really dropped this year. In 2008 he had 1,220 yards and 20 TDs. In 2009 he only totaled 749 yards and 7 TDs. Now, all of that is not his fault. The Sooners lost their Heisman trophy winning QB and their offensive line was banged up all year. Brown will probably be a 6^th or 7^th round pick in the 2010 NFL draft but with a bad game he runs the risk of going undrafted. Brown needs to run hard and show that he can play at the next level.

Wake Up With Funny Conversation Bubbles That Involve Defensive Linemen Emasculating Offensive Linemen

// December 17th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized, wob

My love affair with Suh continues.

I’m sure there is photo credit to be given here, if you know shoot me an email @ TheFatWhiteGuyATgmail.com

What are you doing in a month? Figure it out pronto.

// August 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Scott Wolf, opening weekend foreplay, wob

I am a terrible planner. I would go so far as to say that I take measures to avoid planning. Thanks to Inside USC with Scott Wolf, I am getting my September 3-7 squared away {Thank you Swedish scheduling gods. A lot of things don’t make sense [See a month long break in the middle of the season because the entire country is on holiday.] but an open date on the first weekend of college football does.}. Keep in mind that all times for me are 6 hours later than the listed {Eastern} times.

Take a couple minutes and rough out your viewing plan. Here are the games I’m excited about watching after a quick perusal of the master list {Rooting interests in caps and bold.}:

Thurs, Sept 3
- 7:00 PM South Carolina at North Carolina State, ESPN
- 10:15 PM Oregon at Boise State, ESPN

Sat, Sept 5
- 12:00 PM MINNESOTA at Syracuse, ESPN2
- 3:30 PM Georgia at Oklahoma State, ABC
- 7:00 PM NORTHERN ILLINOIS at Wisconsin, Big Ten Network - Go Huskies.
- 10:00 PM Maryland at California, ESPN2

And for the other Husky fans (UCONN, that is - not the portly clientel, we prefer big-boned.):
- 7:00 PM Connecticut at Ohio, ESPN 360

What’s on your visual menu? Only one game per time slot. We have to make this interesting.

The Blind Side, Michael Lewis/Oher, Left Tackle, Thailand

// August 5th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Michael Lewis, Michael Oher, The Blind Side, restaurant pimp, shoe carnage, wob

Ok, bear with me on this stream-of-consciousness bing-bang. It makes sense. {At least in my dome.}

Yesterday I saw the trailer for The Blind Side. We should all know by now that Hollywood butchers any book remakes. The books are always better. Always. Watch in horror and save your money come late November.

It has been panned with spot-on precision at Mr. Irrelivant, Hey Jenny Slater and Doc Saturday so I won’t pile on. But I’ll probably end up watching it at some point. I’d make a terrible revolutionary.

In The Blind Side, virtuoso Michael Lewis discussing the nuances of pro football that have led to left tackles transforming from interchangeable cog to freakishly talented athletic specimens that are paid accordingly.

Last night in practice I played some left tackle. If I was taller, stronger, faster, more athletic - I would be at least fighting for a practice squad spot. Who are we kidding. I’d just be a bigger awkward person. Anyway through a combination of ruthless technique, fat feet and old shoes, this came to pass:

A new innovation in adidas footwear. The ankle cleat. Nothing is impossible.

Without missing a beat, someone yells, “You get those in Thailand?”
“Nope, but they were probably made there.”

Which brings us to tonight’s dinner. My brother’s last meal out in Stockholm, at Koh Phangan. The building looks like a tiki hut and has a river running along the floorboards. The food was delicious, but it cannot hold a candle to the urinals.

You bet I used the far left one. Chang, yummy. Singha, even more so.

I told you I’d bring it full circle. If you’re still reading and thoroughly confused, I apologize profusely. But you’re probably used to that.

Just Watch

// August 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // studs, wob, wrestling

My dad is a wrestling coach, which may be why I find this more touching, if it’s possible.

I was an absolute mess of tears and laughter after watching this. The video made me happy to be alive. Sport is a beautiful thing, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

I got my swim trunks and my flippy-floppies

// August 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // On a Boat, grape smugglers, karaoke fail, wob

We took one on the chin this Saturday, losing 28-20, but the bigger story was the continuing saga of Thoughts from a Fat White Guy authors being photographed in Euro-trunks, embarrassing their parents and making finding gainful employment a bit more of a challenge.

 

The photo in question is at a spa on a Viking cruise line, which was hardly the Bacchanalian free-for-all that I was expecting and dreading. The spa was clutch for post-game decompression with our Swedish cruise master and defensive lineman, Mexican quarterback, and my little brother visiting. Although being hit on by a guy who would have looked a bit more at home in the Raider black hole was an interesting twist. No, I do not ‘need any help’ in a tiny cold tub, thank you very much. I don’t even know what that help would entail, and I would prefer to not think about it.

The cruise experience provided a small sample of the interesting Swedish dichotomy of not talking to anyone outside your particular group while boarding, the first hour, then talking to everyone after everyone had ample time to frequent the tax-free shop. Then the following morning going back to pretending that your group is the only one on the boat. The Swedes are fantastic at pretending that there is nothing going on around them. Until you talk to them, then they are occasionally too friendly. Relate back to above incident.

I did my best to shake off the doldrums the following morning by karaoke-ing {Is that a verb? Is now.} ‘Bust a Move‘. My brother added to the performance as an unplanned back up dancer and saved me from the rookie mistake of trying to read the words instead of just ignoring the damn teleprompter and letting it fly. The fisherman dance during the intermission may have helped. Or the older Swedish lady trying to slap his ass. Whichever. At least we were fully clothed.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: Away Game

// July 31st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // bortamatch, sports innuendo, whiskey tango foxtrot, wob

Sports terminology has made its way into various other aspects of life. It’s logical. Sports are popular and easy to translate with competition and the like. One place that you’re never really sure if that’s alright is in the bedroom. Sure, you may joke around about it with your close friends, aside from ‘The Single/Double/Triple’ analogy {If you touch ‘em all, do you hit for the cycle? Or do they have to be separate instances? Can you even hit for the cycle? Once you try and codify things of this nature there are all sorts of rhetorical crevasses to be dealt with.}, nothing has really become mainstream. The Swedes have taken the lead in that category.

Bortamatch - away game. Hemmamatch - home game. Brilliantly simple. They even have little equipment bags for those going into hostile territory looking to pull off a big victory.

Barney Stinson absolutely has to have a hand in the production of these kits. Next question, how do we figure out who is wearing white and color? Is it baseball, where white is at home? Or football, where home {traditionally} wears their color? Or should we just go shirts and skins?

Tomfoolery in the Ice Bar

// July 30th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Stockholm, construction, inanity, wob

My not-so-little brother is in Sweden taking in everything that Stockholm has to offer. Which of course meant a trip to the Ice Bar {Something that I have yet to visit in my time here.}. It’s a tiny room and it’s, well, cold. That doesn’t mean that it needs to be boring.

We had the lady at the front door convinced that we were serious about wanting to go into the bar sans shirt. “Um, no, you have to wear the pancho.” Two minutes later we let on that there was no way we were going in without the coverall/little-kid-glove-clip combo. During a mixed drink in an ice cup, we decided to do what all good Wisconsin lads should do. Construct an ice-a-mid with the empties laying about.

And why not? With some help from some gentleman in town for the Pride festival, we completed our alcoholic tribute to the pharoahs and forced labor before we lost feeling in our fingers.

Enter the Meat Grinder

// July 28th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Minnesota, scheduling, wob

Minnesota is jacking up the level of competition in the years to come. According to ESPN’s Adam Rittenberg they are looking to add Texas to a post-2009 slate that includes USC, Colorado and Oregon State after an already challenging 2009 schedule. Coach Tim Brewster ain’t scurred:

The schedule is extremely challenging, but that’s to my liking. I love the fact that we’re playing Air Force, we’re playing Cal, we’re playing Syracuse. We’re playing some really good football teams. Somebody said that we had the fifth most challenging schedule in America, and I like that. I think it’s a good thing.

Missing Indiana and Michigan during the conference schedule in 2009 helps the strength of schedule but eliminates two very winnable games. And going big seems to be helping recruiting:

But from a recruit’s perspective, I think that’s what they want. When I talk to recruits on the phone, they say, Hey, coach, who are you playing in the nonconference schedule? They want to know. When I say, We’re playing USC, you can sense an excitement in a young man’s voice. Kids want to play in marquee nationally televised games.

To be honest with you, I want the University of Minnesota to be on that stage. I want to play nationally televised games where tremendous exposure is put on our program. And when you play USC, that happens.

We’re going to play some other teams also that are going to give us exposure. I don’t think there’s a downside. I really don’t. We’re an ascending program the way I look at our program. We’re going to keep getting better. We’ll be up to the challenge of playing the type of schedules that we’re going to play at Minnesota through the next couple of years.

The added hypothetical exposure will be beneficial, but only with wins and bowl games. The big name teams seem to be offset by the standard BCS cupcake menu. Other schools currently on the docket from 2010-2015 are South Dakota, North Dakota State, Syracuse {Also the opening game of the ‘09 season.}, San Jose State, UNLV, Western Illinois, Miami of Ohio, South Dakota State and Ohio {www.gophersports.com}. Naturally this is incredibly premature and open to an abundance of change. They could conceivably play none of these teams if a school with a bigger checkbook comes calling. A lot of scheduling comes down to the strength of a school and the luck of hitting big name teams on a down swing and avoiding mid-majors on an uptick.

The final result will be interesting to see, but it will be difficult to ignore Minnesota scheduling big name teams from out of the conference. Although it will be a meat grinder, we’ll borrow words of wisdom from Wedding Crashers: Rule #76. No excuses. Play like a champion.