Austria | Thoughts from a fat white guy

The Last Supper

// April 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

“…and FWG said to his deciples, take this Big Mac, eat it, and think of me–for this is the fuel of fatness and the burger of your salvation”

I promise you that I have never been a big fast food guy. However, around Austria, the only place to get really delicious, really fattening food without breaking the bank happens to be America’s greatest contribution to the world (besides handguns and democracy) that’s right, McDonalds.
My roommates Dave and Ryan decided to come along to document the experience, of course with the obligatory taunts about how I’d “be fat forever” and I needed to stop “eating my emotions.” Best of all though, was the look from the cashier when I said “Yah, Ummmm I’ll have Big Mac mit Pommes…..3 cheeseburgers…” “Yah your total iz..” “No, no, no, sweet heart, Im not done yet. Coca-cola, Chicken nuggets, anddddd….a milk-shake”
And with that I had confirmed every stereotype of Americans. Not mad.
Enjoy the pictures.

Winning is Overrated

// April 23rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

You know lately I have been distracted by trying to run the Formerly Fat White Guy Project. I forgot all about our most recent game. Here’s the story:

Winning is overrated

We played at the Olympic Stadium in Innsbruck, Austria this past weekend. Driving through the former Olympic village and walking the same halls once occupied by Olympic greats was truly awe-inspiring.

The romance ended there.

The Innsbruck Raiders are loosely affiliated with the Oakland Raiders, and as far as I’m concerned, we were playing in the Coliseum with Tommy Kelly teeing off on our quarterback.

The 54-7 end score doesn’t offer much resistance to that theory at all.

Sure, I’d like to blame the referees (who, by my estimation, have a remedial understanding of the game), but so much more than a few bad calls happened. It was Murphy’s Law out there. Our starting center went down and I had to start snapping the shot gun; our offense marched 80 yards down field and turned the ball over in the red zone, and it gets returned for six.

The Rest HERE

Welcome To The Alps, Suckah!

// April 9th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Decided to take a mid-week ski trip. Enter me, a “life long snowboarder” (read: can get down the mountain in one piece) and 4 people that have never set foot on a mountain. Hilarity ensues.

When You Have A Blog…No One Trusts You

// April 8th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

When you have a blog, no one trusts you.

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And maybe with good reason. After being coerced into performing her Black Lions’ cheerleading routine (under false promises of anonymity) Jennifer Henry and the rest of the players enjoyed a good laugh. For the record, whenever someone is taping, chances are it’s going to end up on YouTube.

First Away Game Pictures

// April 7th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Victory!

// April 6th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

We went on the road this Saturday to Salzburg. Does Salzburg sound familiar? Well it should–Mozart was born there and it’s where the Sound of Music was filmed. And while we were short on singing ex-nuns and Nazi sympathizers, there was plenty of hard-nosed football to go around.

The Salzburg Bulls came into the contest with a 1-0 record–and it appeared that they were going to make it 2 -0. After marching 80 yards down field for our first score, we decided that,”Well, the fans paid good money for these seats, let’s make it interesting.” and promptly let the Bulls return the kickoff for 6.

We blocked the extra point…the silver lining on the shit storm that was the first half.

A few more blocked extra points, and the score was 18-9 at halftime.

Then one of the strangest moments of my entire football career. I never thought we could top last week, when I called my own holding penalty–but sure enough T.I.A. (This Is Austria). As we went on another long drive our QB, D.J. Hernandez, launched a ball into the endzone and it was picked off and returned to their 35 yard line. However, the endzone was full of the yellow laundry.

Try and follow me on this next part.

After the interception, in the endzone there was a personal foul.

Not only did this negate the interception–but we were given a safety–and then got the ball back, as they kicked off to us.

I am literally running out of ways to describe my shear shock and disbelief. I then informed D.J. that this was like Tecmo Super Bowl and there was some glitch in the game.

The second half we came out swinging–and with stellar play on defense (3 sacks, 12 tackles by the FWG) including equally amazing play by our two DTs (3 sacks and 7 tackles between them) we held on to win 30-18.

Highlights from the game included:

When Bearnd (computer expert, NFL Prospect, and all around good guy) flat backed the QB and got sent out of the game.

Playing the entire game in a borrowed pair of cleats, a size too small, because I’m a flat out idiot and forgot mine.

The utter confusion that I caused telling the official that he needed to take Midol for his cramps (I swear this stuff is funny back in the states).

Again, more free beer after the game, and at the celebratory dinner.

And of course–halftime cigarette breaks.

The First Game

// March 31st, 2009 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

I told myself after the scrimmage that there was no need for pregame jitters. I had gotten my first licks in, and my talent level was vastly superior to that of the locals. But sure enough, come game day, this past Saturday, I woke up with my stomach in knots, the same knots I had throughout my season in the Big East. It was a combination of nervous anticipation, excitement, and above all else, a renewed love for the game.

Before the first snap, the referree informed me I’d be sporting one more helmet sticker, a giant white “A” on the back. They told me it was so they could tell who the “Class-A” players were (also known as “imports”) but I know it was really for AMERICAN.

Coin toss. We defer. Tremendous—we’ll get to set the tone on defense. Opening kick off—opposing team takes it to the house for 6. Defense will have to wait.

Their D-line was atrocious, at one point an exchange between myself and a D-linemen amounted to my suggestion that, “for five Euros, I’ll show you how to pass rush after the game.” Their linebacking core, on the other hand, was extremely strong and athletic—definitely the strong suit of their defense. It was a back an forth battle for most of the first half, they’d score, we’d score. They’d score, we’d score. And so on, until it was 28-21 at the break. The final score would be 50 to 31 with my team coming up on the short end. However, despite the loss I still had fun. It was good to “be a football player again.”

“15 Yards?!? For What?…this is football, not soccer”.

….the rest of the story HERE

and the interview:

get to 1:57 seconds–where I begin.

Waking Up In Austria

// March 30th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Where is all this beautiful weather I was promised? I’m guessing the other side of the mountain.

The Black Lions Home Page

// March 27th, 2009 // 9 Comments » // Uncategorized

So there it is. The FWG on the Black Lions home page. Our first game is Saturday. I can’t wait. Should be simply amazing. I have loved every experience so far here in Austria, the people, the football, the food. All of it has been great, and now the first game of the season. This should be an adventure.

Some Final Thoughts:

UConn dominates Purdue….my brother-in-law (and Purdue alum) is about to get a series of harassing “Skype-Calls”

I have taken to purchasing “mystery meat” from the butcher. It’s no mystery to everyone else in the German speaking world, but I really don’t know what these words mean. Except for Puten. I know Puten. Turkey.

The FWG is considering chronicling his potential weight loss and body transformation. Please post in the comment section if you think this would be a good idea.

Recently I have gotten some interesting “fan” mail. It’s good to know that this site has moved beyond just friends and family commenting. I love to hear from you, good-bad-ugly-pissed-whatever. Let me know what you think. TheFatWhiteGuy@gmail.com