Carinthian Black Lions | Thoughts from a fat white guy

The Vikings Game

// May 28th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

The Austrian Football League was founded in 1985 with its premier team being the Vienna Vikings who have won the Euro Bowl numerous times. Yet the most prolific game played was this past weekend, when the Carinthian Black Lions took down the Vienna Vikings in four quarters of football that epitomized David versus Goliath.

Read the rest HERE

The Fire Still Burns!

// May 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Yesterday I played in a game that is now tied for first with the best football game I have ever played in. The Carinthian Black Lions’ victory over the Vienna Vikings is some of the best football I have ever had the distinct honor and pleasure of being associated with. More to come soon….

….and the natives are restless

// May 10th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Got this little piece of “fan mail” over @ NESN.COM — in response to the piece I ran about our last game against the Gladiators.

Hey Lunn,
I think you fail to realize that you are playing (football) in a tiny village of Austria, for a 3rd tier team. It isnt Austrian Football” and neither does “Portschach” represent Austria. Its a tiny village in a state that is, well, different. The Carinthian Black Lions, your team, arent very good at all, and now that I read about your cigarettes at half time I do understand why they are so miserably bad. I think that if it werent for your DJ Hernandez who is an exceptional athlete, you wouldnt even be able to beat most Division 3 teams (like for example the Gladiators). So maybe next year you can play in a CITY of Austria for a CONTENDING team – although based on your performance thus far, I rather doubt they would pay for your services. The worst of it is though, how you expose your teammates and organisation to ridicule…they really got a lemon and although I dont like the Carinthian Black Pussy Cats, I do feel sorry for them.

Maybe you pass by Vienna some time again and we can show you a thing or two about real football in Austria.

Rgds, Cookie

Ahhh where to start with this? Am I the only one that finds humor in the whole “cigarettes at half time” thing? I hope not. Truth is, this IS Austrian Football—not American Football in Austria. Trust me, there is a difference (Personal Foul in the endzone = 2 points?–yeah, that happened). For the record, the Carinthian Black Lions did a number on the Gladiators, dismantling them and winning by more than 4 touchdowns. DJ has proved to be probably THE premier quarterback in the AFL, providing serious headaches for opposing defenses. And when it comes to me playing in a “real” city well, I’m no statistician but I’d say 8 sacks in 5 games isn’t too bad. But, in the mean time me and my band of flunkies (read: The best group of guys in Austria) are gonna keep on keepin’ on. Put that one in your translator and smoke it.

Questions? Comments? More Fan Mail? TheFatWhiteGuyATgmail.com

We’ve Got Graz

// May 8th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Our upcoming game is against Graz. I’ve mentioned this in earlier posts (pay attention). Graz is the hometown of Arnold Schwarzenegger. The Austrians have a conflicted relationship with the “Austrian Oaf”–a love/hate relationship that I don’t fully understand. To Americans, the Governator is the American Dream personified: Come to America with little to no money, become larger than life, then marry a Kennedy.
To some Austrians he abandoned their country, went all “right wing,” and eventually sentenced a man to death (a HUGE no-no in this part of Europe). Let me put it this way, the American teammates put this question to our Austrian teammates during some locker room banter, “Who would you say the most famous Austrian is?” In true American fashion only asking questions we already (thought we) knew the answer to.
“Ummmm I vood seey—ze guy who invented Red Bull.”
There you have it, Dietrich Mateschitz (Who??-exactly) is the most famous Austrian,

at least in the eyes of the 20-something demographic. That blows my mind.
Anyway, the game against Graz:
Their Quarterback (an Austrian) can really sling it, and they love the option, toss sweep, perimeter run. Should be a real test for our defense, who is battling injuries across the board, from defensive line to the safety position. Stay tuned, and I’ll be back. (See what I just did there?)

He Lacks The Opposable Thumbs, Focker

// May 5th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

In case you didn’t know. I run/own NESN. In the eyes of the Klagenfurt Hospital I am now the sole owner, operator, CEO, and President, etc of the New England Sports Network.

But how did this happen? Please allow me to explain:

We played our 4^th game yesterday—a grudge match if I’ve ever seen one. Two teams, a lot of history between then, and a personal vendetta. The story goes something like this: Back in 2004 the Carinthian Black Lions were actually the “Carinthian Cowboys.” Their starting quarterback was an Austrian (which for this league is fairly rare, since most quarterbacks tend to be “imports”). This quarterback, Bernie was all run-and-gun, modeling his game after the late great Michael Vick. The only problem was that Bernie didn’t have blazing 4.4 speed, shiftiness, or any remarkable athletic ability. Instead Bernie looked like a down and out offensive guard, with legs like a snake and an arm like a wet noodle.

Read the rest HERE

Winning is Overrated

// April 23rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

You know lately I have been distracted by trying to run the Formerly Fat White Guy Project. I forgot all about our most recent game. Here’s the story:

Winning is overrated

We played at the Olympic Stadium in Innsbruck, Austria this past weekend. Driving through the former Olympic village and walking the same halls once occupied by Olympic greats was truly awe-inspiring.

The romance ended there.

The Innsbruck Raiders are loosely affiliated with the Oakland Raiders, and as far as I’m concerned, we were playing in the Coliseum with Tommy Kelly teeing off on our quarterback.

The 54-7 end score doesn’t offer much resistance to that theory at all.

Sure, I’d like to blame the referees (who, by my estimation, have a remedial understanding of the game), but so much more than a few bad calls happened. It was Murphy’s Law out there. Our starting center went down and I had to start snapping the shot gun; our offense marched 80 yards down field and turned the ball over in the red zone, and it gets returned for six.

The Rest HERE

When You Have A Blog…No One Trusts You

// April 8th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

When you have a blog, no one trusts you.

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And maybe with good reason. After being coerced into performing her Black Lions’ cheerleading routine (under false promises of anonymity) Jennifer Henry and the rest of the players enjoyed a good laugh. For the record, whenever someone is taping, chances are it’s going to end up on YouTube.

First Away Game Pictures

// April 7th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Victory!

// April 6th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

We went on the road this Saturday to Salzburg. Does Salzburg sound familiar? Well it should–Mozart was born there and it’s where the Sound of Music was filmed. And while we were short on singing ex-nuns and Nazi sympathizers, there was plenty of hard-nosed football to go around.

The Salzburg Bulls came into the contest with a 1-0 record–and it appeared that they were going to make it 2 -0. After marching 80 yards down field for our first score, we decided that,”Well, the fans paid good money for these seats, let’s make it interesting.” and promptly let the Bulls return the kickoff for 6.

We blocked the extra point…the silver lining on the shit storm that was the first half.

A few more blocked extra points, and the score was 18-9 at halftime.

Then one of the strangest moments of my entire football career. I never thought we could top last week, when I called my own holding penalty–but sure enough T.I.A. (This Is Austria). As we went on another long drive our QB, D.J. Hernandez, launched a ball into the endzone and it was picked off and returned to their 35 yard line. However, the endzone was full of the yellow laundry.

Try and follow me on this next part.

After the interception, in the endzone there was a personal foul.

Not only did this negate the interception–but we were given a safety–and then got the ball back, as they kicked off to us.

I am literally running out of ways to describe my shear shock and disbelief. I then informed D.J. that this was like Tecmo Super Bowl and there was some glitch in the game.

The second half we came out swinging–and with stellar play on defense (3 sacks, 12 tackles by the FWG) including equally amazing play by our two DTs (3 sacks and 7 tackles between them) we held on to win 30-18.

Highlights from the game included:

When Bearnd (computer expert, NFL Prospect, and all around good guy) flat backed the QB and got sent out of the game.

Playing the entire game in a borrowed pair of cleats, a size too small, because I’m a flat out idiot and forgot mine.

The utter confusion that I caused telling the official that he needed to take Midol for his cramps (I swear this stuff is funny back in the states).

Again, more free beer after the game, and at the celebratory dinner.

And of course–halftime cigarette breaks.

The First Game

// March 31st, 2009 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

I told myself after the scrimmage that there was no need for pregame jitters. I had gotten my first licks in, and my talent level was vastly superior to that of the locals. But sure enough, come game day, this past Saturday, I woke up with my stomach in knots, the same knots I had throughout my season in the Big East. It was a combination of nervous anticipation, excitement, and above all else, a renewed love for the game.

Before the first snap, the referree informed me I’d be sporting one more helmet sticker, a giant white “A” on the back. They told me it was so they could tell who the “Class-A” players were (also known as “imports”) but I know it was really for AMERICAN.

Coin toss. We defer. Tremendous—we’ll get to set the tone on defense. Opening kick off—opposing team takes it to the house for 6. Defense will have to wait.

Their D-line was atrocious, at one point an exchange between myself and a D-linemen amounted to my suggestion that, “for five Euros, I’ll show you how to pass rush after the game.” Their linebacking core, on the other hand, was extremely strong and athletic—definitely the strong suit of their defense. It was a back an forth battle for most of the first half, they’d score, we’d score. They’d score, we’d score. And so on, until it was 28-21 at the break. The final score would be 50 to 31 with my team coming up on the short end. However, despite the loss I still had fun. It was good to “be a football player again.”