Posts Tagged ‘fantasy football’

Weekend Recap: D…E…D…Dead Edition

// October 24th, 2011 // 10 Comments » // Uncategorized

For the first few weeks of the football season I had been putting out pieces on Fantasy Football entitled, Dear Mr. Fantasy…and then something clever about the subject matter.

When I started losing games (three in a row to be exact), I discontinued the column.  No one wants to listen to a loser, and even less people want to listen to someone bitch about how poorly THEIR players performed in Fantasy Football.  It’s like bad beat stories from a poker table.  No one cares except you.

Then I started winning again. Rattling of a few wins in a row gave me the confidence to un-retire Mr. Fantasy.

I envisioned a Monday morning post that would see me back among the league leaders, and looking like a genius for some savvy reshuffling of a roster.  But after my performance in Week 7, Mr Fantasy liked Brett Favre, should have stayed D…E…D….. Dead.

This was my Week 6 Roster;

QB Andy Dalton (picked up because Rivers and Hassleback were on byes, and I had dropped Josh Freeman)

RB Darren McFadden

WR Miles Austin

WR AJ Green

Flex Earnest Graham (picked up when Blount went down with an injury)

TE Jermaine Gresham

K Neil Rackers

D Baltimore

On the bench was Felix Jones, Tim Hightower, James Jones, Malcolm Floyd, Mike Williams, Brandon Pettigrew, Rivers, and Hassleback.  Dalton and Graham would become expendable in a few weeks, giving me the ability to pick up some free agents to cover bye weeks, and after getting back to .500, I was pretty proud of myself.

During Week 7, I continued to shuffle. I dropped Andy Dalton for Jackie Battle, and Felix Jones in favor of DeMarco Murray.  Then I dropped Mike Williams for Victor Cruz and Malcolm Floyd for Darrius Heyward-Bay.  Williams was a non factor for Tampa so far, and Cruz has been Eli’s go to WR.  Jones was out 2-3 weeks and Murray would see a Lindsey Lohan sized bump in carries.  Heyward-Bay seems to have been possessed by Al Davis’ ghost and was actually starting to play up to his potential, while Battle was rumored to be the featured back for the Chiefs now that he was healthy.

Adding those players to Rivers, who would eventually remember he was good, McFadden, who hopefully wouldn’t forget he was good, Miles Austin, who was now healthy and poised for a big season, and Baltimore’s D?  I was thinking playoffs.

Then I got a little carried away.

All the talking heads around football were saying that Graham and Battle were better options than Murray.  In some cases it was a slim margin but the consensus was start Battle over Graham, and Graham over Murray.  In my deluded mind that made Murray expendable.  So I dropped him.  And picked up David Akers.  That’s right.  I dropped a starting RB for a kicker, so I could drop Neil Rackers before his bye week and use the empty spot to pick up another position player.

So I gave up 250 yards and a touchdown for a kicker who was on his bye week.  Fuck me.  I scored 35.36 points and without 75 points from Baltimore’s defense, I’m going down, and I’m going down hard.

It doesn’t help that Rivers and Austin combined for 10.66 points or that McFadden left early with a foot injury, but I have no one to blame but myself.

My hot hand on the waiver wire went cold, and Mr. Fantasy’s playoff hopes are looking D…E…D….Dead.


I hate the Yankees.  If not for the self loathing connotation of a tattoo that said so, since Yankee also means a person from the North who can read, I would have it emblazoned across my chest.

But despite that hatred, I have found a few Yankees over the years who have won my respect.  Derek Jeter and Joe Torre.  Ok so it’s not a few, it’s a couple, but get over it.

Now that Torre is leading the charge to crucify the Red Sox for drinking during games, and trying to ban beer from all Major League clubhouses, he is just as D….E….D…Dead to me as all the rest of the boys in pinstripes.

Really Joe? Didn’t you manage David Wells? Who pitched a perfect game shit faced? Didn’t  a Red Sox team that beat your Yankees in 2004 admit to pounding shots of whiskey to stay loose?

Now you want to sit up on a high horse and condemn beer drinking.  Was this all some master plan that you concocted seven years ago?  Have you been biding your time, waiting for a high level position in baseball, and waiting for the Sox to screw up so you could exact some revenge?

The Joe Torre who won my respect would never be so petty.  And he would also never condemn a practice like drinking beer.

So the only rationale answer is that Joe Torre is in fact, dead, and being possessed by some Republican fun hater.


Dear Mr. Fantasy….Week 3

// September 23rd, 2011 // 9 Comments » // Uncategorized


Here’s my starting lineup for Week 3;

QB - Philip Rivers. If Rivers wants to be considered a top NFL QB, he needs to shred the Chiefs this week. Fitzpatrick and Stafford did it in the first two weeks, so I’m confident Rivers bounces back.

WR – Mike Williams. It’s been tough sledding for Williams in the first two weeks, and if Austin was healthy he might have been benched this week in favor of AJ Green or Ochocinco. But he shredded Atlanta last year, and I’m stuck with him, so he will be starting.

WR – Chad Ochocinco. The injury to Aaron Hernandez might give Ochocinco the chance to get more involved in the offense this week. Miles Austin’s hamstring injury will give him another chance to be more involved on my fantasy team.

RB – Darren McFadden. McFadden is running with purpose, and is the kind of back that could give the Jets D trouble. Even if I don’t believe that, he is my best RB and I’m not sitting him just because he’s playing a good defense.

Flex – Tim Hightower. Hightower seems to have established himself as the go to back in Washington. Helu saw a lot of action last week, but as long as he keeps holding onto the ball, Hightower is going to keep getting starts.

TE – Scott Chandler. I didn’t add him to sit on the bench. I may have started him even if Pettigrew wasn’t banged up.

K – Neil Rackers. Yada. Yada.  Kicker.

D – Baltimore. Good matchup against a Rams offense that hasn’t quit found its rhythm yet.

The Clap

dwayne-boweDwayne Bowe.  The Chiefs offense just got one dimensional.  That doesn’t bode well for Bowe’s production.

Zach Miller.  Really earning his contract so far (32 yards, 0 TDs) but that may be mostly Tavaris Jackson’s fault.

Eli Manning.  Not a great match up against an aggressive Philly defense, plus Eli sucks.

Frank Gore.  Cincinanti’s defense is underrated, and I think Gore has an unimpressive 21 carry, 68 yard performance.


Plaxico Burress.  Santonio Holmes is still nursing a quad injury so Burress could get a lot of opportunities against a Raiders secondary that looked a bit suspect last week.

Sidney Rice.  Coming back this week from injury, he may be one guy who can actually catch some of Tavaris Jackson’s errant passes.  Plus the Cardinal’s secondary is terible.  Which, as all the Mexicans in Arizona know, is Spanish for terrible.   Good option in leagues where you start 3 WRs, or if you have an injury to one of your top guys.

Mark Sanchez.  Any QB against the Raiders secondary is a good play, especially if you have an injury to your starter (Tony Romo).

CJ Spiller.  Going to the well one last time with Spiller.  Patriots are always susceptible to speedy RBs, and the Bills offense is for real.  cjspillerbuffalo——-Corey

Dear Mr. Fantasy….Defeated

// September 20th, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized


My bid for an undefeated season came to an end early this year, after losing by 3.56 points.

I would blame myself, but that would be completely out of character.

Nope, my Week 2 loss falls squarely on the shoulders on Tampa Bay WR Mike Williams.

Williams lost .4 points on Sunday. You could say that I’m being unfair, after all it was my decision to start Williams over Ochocinco and AJ Green, both of whom would have given me enough points for a win. But Williams is his team’s best WR, and Josh Freeman completed twenty two passes. There are only two explanations that could account for Williams only getting 4.5% of his team’s receptions.

One is that Williams is sleeping with Freeman’s baby mama, and the QB is punishing Williams. Hopefully by next week the two men meet face to face, with Freeman telling Williams, ‘Catch this motherfucking ball’, and thus ending the strife. Is it a sign of immaturity that I think all real life conflicts should be solved like they were in Major League?

Option two is that Williams was slacking off, not running hard, and forced his QB to look elsewhere in order to complete the comeback against Minnesota. How else would you explain Arrelious Benn, Preston Parker, and Dezmon Briscoe getting thirteen more targets than Williams? Those sound more like the names of the Cornell Debate Team than actual NFL receivers.

Hard to argue with it being Williams fault, isn’t it? Still not convinced?

Here’s how the rest of my team performed;

Phillip Rivers – 23.32

Miles Austin – 33.10

Darren McFadden – 24.30

Tim Hightower – 10.60

Brandon Pettigrew – 0.70 (Gets a pass because he was a sleeper pick that I took later on, which allowed me to load up at WR/RB)

Neil Rackers – 5.0

Baltimore – 2.0 (Get a pass because I don’t want Ray Lewis to stab me in the face)

With the chemistry that AJ Green is showing with Andy Dalton, he may not be on my bench much longer. I had taken him towards the end of the draft thinking he would pay dividends later on, but Mike Williams may force my hand sooner than that.


I’m putting Williams on notice that his lack of production isn’t going unnoticed.

In addition, I’m momentarily jumping off the Lance Kendricks band wagon. I’m still high on the rookie TE, but the Rams offense hasn’t found it’s groove yet, and I doubt anyone else will pick him up. The opportunity to add Bills TE Scott Chandler is too good to pass up.

That’s right kids, the Bills are 2-0, and their players are actually fantasy assets. Maybe this belongs in a Signs of The Apocalypse post….


Dear Mr. Fantasy…..Week 2

// September 16th, 2011 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

miles-austinHere’s who I plan on starting this week;

QB - Phillip Rivers.  If Chad Henne can put up over four bills on the Patriots, Rivers should have what? 600 yards? I just hope he does so in a losing effort.

RB - Darren McFadden.  Despite not getting in the end zone, McFadden looked dominant against the Broncos.  While that’s not saying much, he is proving himself to be a top 5 RB, and should break the plane a few times in Buffalo.

WR - Miles Austin.  Austin showed he can play banged up last week, and with Dez Bryant questionable for Sunday, he should be getting a lot more passes thrown his way against the 49ers.

WR - Mike Williams.  After a slow start, Williams ended up with 50 yards and a touchdown.  He is a must start against a Vikings secondary that gave up 335 passing yards last week.

TE - Brandon Pettigrew.  The Lions showed in week 1 that they will air it out.  Pettigrew should find his way into the end zone this week against a Chiefs team that could’t cover some guy named Scott Chandler, who plays TE for the Bills.

Flex - Tim Hightower.  I was torn between Hightower and Felix Jones, but in the end, Washington is playing the Cardinals, and Arizona’s defense got torched by Carolina.  Done, and done.

K - Neil Rackers.  I only have one, so until he has a bye, he’s my guy.

Defense - Baltimore.  Same as Rackers.  I only have one defense, but even if I had four of them on my roster, I would be starting Baltimore against a Titans team that couldn’t run the ball against Jacksonville.

The Clap

81181365AL014_OAKLAND_RAIDEMaurice Jones Drew.  He is the only player that can hurt the Jets on Sunday.  I think he is a fat tub of loudmouth asshole, but there’s no way Rex Ryan lets one guy beat him.

Chris Johnson.  A selfish, unmotivated player, going against the Ravens D? Gracias, pero no gracias.

Hakeem Nicks.  Banged up, and might not be effective as anything more than a decoy if he plays.

Dallas Clark.  The founding member of the ‘I only have a career because of Peyton Manning’ Club.  There are sure to be better options at TE.

Kevin Kolb.  Washington’s D looked legit last week, and Kolb isn’t likely to repeat the 300yd, 2Td performance he put on in week 1.


New Orleans RBs.  The Bears D gave up a lot of yards on the ground last week.  Ingram/Sproles/Thomas would all be good second RB or Flex options.

Mario Manningham.  With Nicks banged up, Manningham is the Giants only deep threat.

Cadillac Williams.  He looked great against the Eagles last week, and with Steven Jackson nicked up, he could get a lot of carries against a banged up Giants D that couldn’t contain Tim Hightower last week.


CJ Spiller.  It’s about time he had a breakout game.

Muhammed Massaquoi/Greg Little.  Indianapolis looked bad on both sides of the ball.  Anyone on Cleveland could have a big day.

Ben Roethlisburger.  The Steelers will come out angry, and look to put a beating on Seattle.  Big BendoverandI’llrape you should be able to put up a 300yd, 3TD performance.


Dear Mr. Fantasy….Week 1 Recap

// September 13th, 2011 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized

Oakland Raiders Darren McfaddenGoing into the Monday Night games I was fifteen points behind my brother in our Week 1 matchup. We spent the better part of the night texting back and forth, talking shit as he gave me updates. When I left work, I knew that Ochocinco had failed to earn more than 1.4 points and that McFadden had 13 in the third quarter.

The clock was winding down. I was going to lose.

On the way home I walked by a bar that had the Raiders/Broncos game on TV. It wasn’t over, and there was more points on the board than there had been in my brothers last update.

I still had a chance! Unfortunately I had no internet connection so I was left to speculate until this morning.

The final score was 100.50 to 97.02. McFadden had finished with 16.60 points and I had won.

As my brother said, ‘It was a barn burner.’


Looking back on Week 1, I made a few mistakes.

ochocinco-patriots-fineI benched Miles Austin in favor of Ochocinco. The rationale had been sound. He was banged up, and likely to face Darell Revis. Plus as we all saw, the Patriots are capable of putting up huge numbers on offense, and it seemed plausible that Ocho would get in on the action. More on that in a minute. But if you were to look at Austin’s numbers, he was aided by a touchdown catch that could have gone either way and to me, looked like it was an interception. So benching him wasn’t as big a mistake as starting Ocho. I should have known that the Patriots would humble their newest WR in their first game.

You don’t come in and run shit on Belichick’s ship. It was a typical Hoodie move. By targeting Ocho three times, he will get to see how the fiery WR responds, whether he is really embracing the whole, ‘team first’ mentality or not. Belichick’s quote after the game proves it,

“It wasn’t a one man band out there. We had lots of contributiuons.”

I’m still glad to have him on my bench, but it may take a few weeks for Ocho to start paying dividends.

The other questionable move, starting RB Tim Hightower over Felix Jones, worked out in my favor. Hightower showed that he has the potential to be a top fantasy RB this year, and Shanahan showed he trusts him enough to give him the chance. Hightower even remained on the field in most goal line situations. Something Skins fans warned might not happen.

So I’m 1-0, and get to brag to my younger brother about something other than being more handsome for a change.


reggie_wayne-2I had said not to start Reggie Wayne, Rashard Mendenhall, Mike Thomas, and Eli Manning.

Wayne had a great game as his team’s only offensive weapon, but Mendenhall had exactly the kind of game I predicted (45 yards, 0 TDs), Mike Thomas managed only 5.5 points, and Eli Manning would have had a sub 10 point day were it not for a 1 yard scramble for a TD in the first quarter.

Whether you listened to Jimmy Dugan, and avoided the clap, or me, and avoided these players…….That’s good advice!


My sleepers for Week 1 were Ben Tate (who I picked before Foster was officially ruled out), Reggie Bush, Braylon Edwards, and Lance Kendricks.

The Rams are high on Kendricks and I think he will be a solid TE option by Week 10. But right now the guy looks scared of the NFL game, and it’s translating to the drops.

Edwards was also a bust.

However, Bush had nearly a 100 yards and 1 TD, and Tate piled up 116 yards and a TD, so I went 2/4. Chances are however, if you started Edwards or Kendricks it wasn’t the reason you lost, but sticking Tate or Bush in the lineup could have produced a win.

And yes I’m completely aware that I’m rationalizing to make myself look good.


See you at the end of the week with a look at Week 2.

Dear Mr Fantasy…Week 1

// September 8th, 2011 // 12 Comments » // Uncategorized


Fantasy football is socially acceptable stalking.

You spend hours studying players; where they’re going, who they’re going to be meeting when they get there, how they act, and what they might do next.  You start to feel like you know them better than they know themselves, and they have no idea that you’re there, creeping in the bushes of the internet, watching.

Tonight is the start of a sixteen week stretch where the object of your obsession looks the other way, and even allows you to benefit from stalking them.  Tonight is when football leaves the window open while it’s changing and lets us all watch.

I just made you feel dirty didn’t I?

You’re welcome.

Here is who I will be starting in Week 1.

QB - Phillip Rivers.  Not too many teams would cause me to sit Rivers, and Minnesota isn’t one.

RB - Darren McFadden.  Going against the Broncos defense I would start Tiki Barber.  Wait, what do you mean no one picked him up?

WR - Miles Austin.  Even against a tough Jets D, and Darell Revis, I think Austin gets off to a fast start.

WR - Mike Williams.  He is the best WR on his team, and if there is a weakness on the Lions D it is in the secondary.

Flex -  RB Tim Hightower.  Starting Hightower over Felix Jones because, as high as I am on the Cowboys offense, starting two players against the Jets seems like too big a risk.

TE - Brandon Pettigrew.  Someone will be open when teams triple team Calvin Johnson, and Pettigrew proved he was a legitimate downfield threat last year.

D - Baltimore.  A Ravens/Steelers game is sure to feature at least a couple turnovers.

K - Neil Rackers.  Texans should put up a lot of points without Peyton Manning keeping them off the field.

Who Not To Start

Reggie Wayne.  Colts will try and run the ball against the Texans this week.  Wayne is good enough to get his without Manning, but if you have other options, use em.

Rashad Mendenhall.  Seems like he has one of those 18 carries for 55 yards games.

Mike Thomas (Jax WR).

Eli Manning.  Washington’s secondary is one of the most underrated in football and Manning likes to spread the ball around, to the other team.


Ben Tate, Reggie Bush, Braylon Edwards, Lance Kendricks

On Monday I will look back and either eat a big greasy crow burrito, or brag about how much smarter I am than you.


FWG-NFL Is Killing It On Pre Season Betting Lines

// August 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized


Admittedly I’m not a gambler.  Never have been and never will be, but my crew over at FWGNFL is killing it with these picks.   They beat up Vegas for like 3K last night on the Colts line, after talking about how that was a total lock, “free money people, free money.” (Check out that post here) Not to mention that have the breakdown of the Bills/Colts game last night.  Go check it out.