Posts Tagged ‘fat white guy moment of the week’

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week: The Strasburger

// June 9th, 2010 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized


Stephen Strasburg mania is in full effect.  The next logical step is a self-named food: “The Strasburger”  Nothing like enjoying a 1/2 of artery clogging ground beef goodness while watching the Washington Nationals play shitty baseball.  This could redefine comfort food:  Food you eat as one of the best players in baseball plays out his contract until he’s bought up by the Sox or Yankees.

Bon Appetit, suckers.

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week

// May 14th, 2010 // 10 Comments » // Uncategorized


/Football season needs to hurry the hell up and get here.

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week: The White Castle Candle

// May 11th, 2010 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

[YAHOO] – For cravers who have found themselves relaxing at home wishing their room could be filled with the steam-grilled-on-a-bed-of-onions scent of beef, White Castle has answered the call.

To celebrate its 18th annual National Hamburger Month, the 89-year-old fast-food chain is offering up a candle that smells like a slider.

I think you already know how I feel about this.  Best.  Idea. Ever…..ever.  I can think of about 5 other candle scents I’d like to see, now that I know this is possible:  Puppy Paws (smell like corn chips), Burrito, Big Mac, New Shoes, and Turkey Dinner (smells like shouts of seldom seen relatives).  This is how America does it, not only do we want to eat a Crave Case, but we want our houses (or trailers, I’m betting) to smell like those delicious little onion topped morsels too.  I’m not sure I’ve ever been prouder of this country.

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week

// April 29th, 2010 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

One of my fondest childhood memories is my Dad taking me to McD’s to get after school a Happy Meal for me, cheeseburgers for him, and of course a lifetime of poor body image.  But you know what, growing up a fat kid made me tough, and who are these people to deprive these kids of happy meals. A happy meal is nothing without the choking hazard or “toy” included.  Would Jay-Z be what he is today, if not for growing up in Marcy, school of the hard-knocks?  Answer is no, people.  Shit no!  Without Happy Meals Thoughts From a Fat White Guy would probably be Thoughts From a 24 Year Old With Low LDL Cholesterol.  Give the kids their toys, with fries and a coke.

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week

// April 21st, 2010 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

WASHINGTON – Too fat to fight? Many American children are so overweight from being fed french fries, pizza and other unhealthy foods at school lunchrooms that they cannot handle the physical rigors of being in the military, a group of retired officers say in a new report.

National security is threatened by the sharp rise in obesity rates for young people over the last 15 years, the group Mission: Readiness contends. Weight problems are now the leading medical reason that recruits are rejected, the group says, and thus jeopardize the military’s ability to fill its ranks.

We are a nation of fat people.  There.  I said it.  Not that I endorse it or celebrate it, or that my entire “brand” is based on it.  There are several types of “fat” which this “report” fails to quantify.  There is “Skinny-Fat” which is where you have managed to stay a tall glass of water, while at the same time maintaining no muscle whatsoever.  Of course there is “Classic-Fat” which is your standard big ball of chewed-bubble gum.  Then there is “Record Setting-Fat” which is like Gilbert Grape’s mother.  So there is no “standard” for obesity.  But regardless of these inaccuracies, apparently Americans are too fat to fight.  Call it a day people, the hippies have won.


Thanks to Alex for the tip.