For the first few weeks of the football season I had been putting out pieces on Fantasy Football entitled, Dear Mr. Fantasy…and then something clever about the subject matter.
When I started losing games (three in a row to be exact), I discontinued the column. No one wants to listen to a loser, and even less people want to listen to someone bitch about how poorly THEIR players performed in Fantasy Football. It’s like bad beat stories from a poker table. No one cares except you.
Then I started winning again. Rattling of a few wins in a row gave me the confidence to un-retire Mr. Fantasy.
I envisioned a Monday morning post that would see me back among the league leaders, and looking like a genius for some savvy reshuffling of a roster. But after my performance in Week 7, Mr Fantasy liked Brett Favre, should have stayed D…E…D….. Dead.
This was my Week 6 Roster;
QB Andy Dalton (picked up because Rivers and Hassleback were on byes, and I had dropped Josh Freeman)
RB Darren McFadden
WR Miles Austin
WR AJ Green
Flex Earnest Graham (picked up when Blount went down with an injury)
TE Jermaine Gresham
K Neil Rackers
On the bench was Felix Jones, Tim Hightower, James Jones, Malcolm Floyd, Mike Williams, Brandon Pettigrew, Rivers, and Hassleback. Dalton and Graham would become expendable in a few weeks, giving me the ability to pick up some free agents to cover bye weeks, and after getting back to .500, I was pretty proud of myself.
During Week 7, I continued to shuffle. I dropped Andy Dalton for Jackie Battle, and Felix Jones in favor of DeMarco Murray. Then I dropped Mike Williams for Victor Cruz and Malcolm Floyd for Darrius Heyward-Bay. Williams was a non factor for Tampa so far, and Cruz has been Eli’s go to WR. Jones was out 2-3 weeks and Murray would see a Lindsey Lohan sized bump in carries. Heyward-Bay seems to have been possessed by Al Davis’ ghost and was actually starting to play up to his potential, while Battle was rumored to be the featured back for the Chiefs now that he was healthy.
Adding those players to Rivers, who would eventually remember he was good, McFadden, who hopefully wouldn’t forget he was good, Miles Austin, who was now healthy and poised for a big season, and Baltimore’s D? I was thinking playoffs.
Then I got a little carried away.
All the talking heads around football were saying that Graham and Battle were better options than Murray. In some cases it was a slim margin but the consensus was start Battle over Graham, and Graham over Murray. In my deluded mind that made Murray expendable. So I dropped him. And picked up David Akers. That’s right. I dropped a starting RB for a kicker, so I could drop Neil Rackers before his bye week and use the empty spot to pick up another position player.
So I gave up 250 yards and a touchdown for a kicker who was on his bye week. Fuck me. I scored 35.36 points and without 75 points from Baltimore’s defense, I’m going down, and I’m going down hard.
It doesn’t help that Rivers and Austin combined for 10.66 points or that McFadden left early with a foot injury, but I have no one to blame but myself.
My hot hand on the waiver wire went cold, and Mr. Fantasy’s playoff hopes are looking D…E…D….Dead.
I hate the Yankees. If not for the self loathing connotation of a tattoo that said so, since Yankee also means a person from the North who can read, I would have it emblazoned across my chest.
But despite that hatred, I have found a few Yankees over the years who have won my respect. Derek Jeter and Joe Torre. Ok so it’s not a few, it’s a couple, but get over it.
Now that Torre is leading the charge to crucify the Red Sox for drinking during games, and trying to ban beer from all Major League clubhouses, he is just as D….E….D…Dead to me as all the rest of the boys in pinstripes.
Really Joe? Didn’t you manage David Wells? Who pitched a perfect game shit faced? Didn’t a Red Sox team that beat your Yankees in 2004 admit to pounding shots of whiskey to stay loose?
Now you want to sit up on a high horse and condemn beer drinking. Was this all some master plan that you concocted seven years ago? Have you been biding your time, waiting for a high level position in baseball, and waiting for the Sox to screw up so you could exact some revenge?
The Joe Torre who won my respect would never be so petty. And he would also never condemn a practice like drinking beer.
So the only rationale answer is that Joe Torre is in fact, dead, and being possessed by some Republican fun hater.