….and the natives are restless

// May 10th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Got this little piece of “fan mail” over @ NESN.COM — in response to the piece I ran about our last game against the Gladiators.

Hey Lunn,
I think you fail to realize that you are playing (football) in a tiny village of Austria, for a 3rd tier team. It isnt Austrian Football” and neither does “Portschach” represent Austria. Its a tiny village in a state that is, well, different. The Carinthian Black Lions, your team, arent very good at all, and now that I read about your cigarettes at half time I do understand why they are so miserably bad. I think that if it werent for your DJ Hernandez who is an exceptional athlete, you wouldnt even be able to beat most Division 3 teams (like for example the Gladiators). So maybe next year you can play in a CITY of Austria for a CONTENDING team – although based on your performance thus far, I rather doubt they would pay for your services. The worst of it is though, how you expose your teammates and organisation to ridicule…they really got a lemon and although I dont like the Carinthian Black Pussy Cats, I do feel sorry for them.

Maybe you pass by Vienna some time again and we can show you a thing or two about real football in Austria.

Rgds, Cookie

Ahhh where to start with this? Am I the only one that finds humor in the whole “cigarettes at half time” thing? I hope not. Truth is, this IS Austrian Football—not American Football in Austria. Trust me, there is a difference (Personal Foul in the endzone = 2 points?–yeah, that happened). For the record, the Carinthian Black Lions did a number on the Gladiators, dismantling them and winning by more than 4 touchdowns. DJ has proved to be probably THE premier quarterback in the AFL, providing serious headaches for opposing defenses. And when it comes to me playing in a “real” city well, I’m no statistician but I’d say 8 sacks in 5 games isn’t too bad. But, in the mean time me and my band of flunkies (read: The best group of guys in Austria) are gonna keep on keepin’ on. Put that one in your translator and smoke it.

Questions? Comments? More Fan Mail? TheFatWhiteGuyATgmail.com

Nigerian Hookers

// May 6th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

This is something I can’t wait to tell my kids, “when Daddy was out of college, he played football in Europe, visited Spain and got attacked by Nigerian prostitutes as he exited a bar at 4am drunk off of CruzCampo.” Who thought that the stories of my days playing football in Europe would have so little to do with football and so much to do with European night life.

I left this bar in Spain at closing time, and to be honest it was time for me to go. There’s only so many times you can fall off a barstool and still be served. I make my way into the street and immediately received what the Austrians call “Luft-Schlagen” or “the air slap”. Meaning when the cold night air hits, it delivers an immediate, sobering blow to your rosy cheeks. Imagine my continued surprise, when in the post luft-schlagen moment I was mobbed by no less than seven Nigerian whores.

Read the rest HERE

Welcome To Fitmax

// May 5th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

With the Formerly Fat White Guy Project in full swing, I figured it is about time I showed you where we “train ” here in Austria. Just a little bit different from our facilities at UConn.

“I Told That Kraut Down At The League Office…”

// May 1st, 2009 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized

Like it or not, this blog is actually popular (I know!–who-woulda-thought?). Something was just brought to my attention, that needs to be discussed, addressed, squashed, what-have-you.

I took down the “SCOREBOARD” that some of you early readers might remember, because in my opinion it was a little too “hey! look at me.” But for the record, Thoughts From a Fat White Guy just passed 300,000 hits. Pause for celebration.

So where exactly am I going with all this? I’m trying to say Thoughts From a Fat White Guy has gone global. Until now it has been very well received….

Well recently FWG was “called out” in a blog post and news paper article by German reporter Jürgen Kalwa, who posted his rant on Football-Austria.com (screenshot below)

The point of said article (the entirety of which you can find here—get your translator ready)

The article starts off stating that “Rob Lunn has learned nothing in college” and “Even a fool can have an opinion” was that he was upset about my “interpretation” of culture–whether it be at “the spa” (FWG not used to that much nakedness), caricatures of President Obama proudly displayed on the streets of Klagenfurt (see below), as well as the style, dress, and practice habits of bar patrons and teammates alike (my sweatpants, their Canadian-Tuxedos–both in poor taste).

I have ALWAYS hoped that my writing is worth a laugh and maybe a few insights into life as a college athlete or football player. Self- deprecation has always been the name of the game. I am not patronizing my teammates or Austrians, rather I have thought it humorous my observations on how life is different compared to the United States. I have not once said that one way of life is better than the other, because if anything, being here has shown me one is NOT superior to another. Simply put, the world is smaller; we are no longer isolated nations and no man is an island. The 21st century is truly marked by the concept of the global community, barriers (political, social, and economic) are being broken down everyday.

For one person to say that my American teammates and I are ignorant, or “have learned nothing in college” is exactly the type of broad and sweeping generalization I would hope to avoid, especially from someone who is making the argument that I am the ignorant one.

After four years of college, graduating above a 3.0 with a degree in political science, being told that I do not, “understand the intricacies of a political culture” is something to which I take great offense.

I have not made political statements with my blog regarding how Austrians (or Europeans) view America, or I them. I am here with the most open of minds, truly soaking in all this country has to offer. Above all else, I am here to play football and enjoy a new (and sometimes strange) experience. The concept of “hilarity ensues” should be explained to Mr. Jürgen Kalwa — my experiences in these situations don’t make the experiences (people, places, things) bad, they make the interaction funny. FWG goes to Nude-Bath: Hilarity Ensues.

In closing, I hope that everyone continues to enjoy my Tales From Austria, whether it is on this site, NESN.com or Deadspin.

And again, a big THANK YOU for helping to reach 300,000 hits!

Bienvenidos a Espana

// April 30th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

After our 54-7 routing last week, the bye week was met with much anticipation. Packed up my bag and took off to Spain with our TE Ryan. Couldn’t have been a better trip (you see the FWG
speaks Spanish). After visiting every tourist spot possible and setting up my unsuspecting teammate by telling waitresses and bartenders that he wanted to make “sweet, passionate love to them”…this trip: Success!

The Olympic stadium.

Glamour Shots by Deb 50% off for a limited time only.

This is my “playboy” butt pose…@ olympic park

JBurd–in this case paella> NFl Draft

(Interview posted in a few hours)

That would be sheep’s head, sheep’s tongue, sheep/cow stomach, and of course…sheep’s testicles. Ahhhh, a taste of Spain.

 

The Last Supper

// April 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

I promise you that I have never been a big fast food guy. However, around Austria, the only place to get really delicious, really fattening food without breaking the bank happens to be America’s greatest contribution to the world (besides handguns and democracy) that’s right, McDonalds.
My roommates Dave and Ryan decided to come along to document the experience, of course with the obligatory taunts about how I’d “be fat forever” and I needed to stop “eating my emotions.” Best of all though, was the look from the cashier when I said “Yah, Ummmm I’ll have Big Mac mit Pommes…..3 cheeseburgers…” “Yah your total iz..” “No, no, no, sweet heart, Im not done yet. Coca-cola, Chicken nuggets, anddddd….a milk-shake”
And with that I had confirmed every stereotype of Americans. Not mad.
Enjoy the pictures.

Winning is Overrated

// April 23rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

You know lately I have been distracted by trying to run the Formerly Fat White Guy Project. I forgot all about our most recent game. Here’s the story:

We played at the Olympic Stadium in Innsbruck, Austria this past weekend. Driving through the former Olympic village and walking the same halls once occupied by Olympic greats was truly awe-inspiring.

The romance ended there.

The Innsbruck Raiders are loosely affiliated with the Oakland Raiders, and as far as I’m concerned, we were playing in the Coliseum with Tommy Kelly teeing off on our quarterback.

The 54-7 end score doesn’t offer much resistance to that theory at all.

Sure, I’d like to blame the referees (who, by my estimation, have a remedial understanding of the game), but so much more than a few bad calls happened. It was Murphy’s Law out there. Our starting center went down and I had to start snapping the shot gun; our offense marched 80 yards down field and turned the ball over in the red zone, and it gets returned for six.

The Rest HERE

Meet Kevin Weiss

// April 17th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

With The Formerly Fat White Guy Project underway (registration closes on Saturday), it’s time for you to meet the man helping with all this. Football in Austria is a little short on strength and conditioning coaches and nutritionists. Kevin Weiss has agreed to help the FWG achieve his goals.
Kevin is a native of Alberta, Canada and a competitive natural body builder. His life has stretched the spectrum of strength and conditioning, from power lifting (personal bests of 567lbs. in the squat, 463lbs. in the bench press, and 573lbs. in the deadlift, at a bodyweight of 196 lbs.) to natural body building (where he has won at the provincial, national, and international levels), his years of experience and training make him invaluable. In this day and age of performance enhancing drugs, Kevin has been a lifelong natural bodybuilder.
He has signed on to this project with the hopes of turning my football physique into something more palatable for the general public.

Kevin is also offering his services to all FWG readers at a discount. His services are unmatched in quality–and as I have already learned–he will hold you to the highest standard of excellence.
Get in touch with him.

Welcome To The Alps, Suckah!

// April 9th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Decided to take a mid-week ski trip. Enter me, a “life long snowboarder” (read: can get down the mountain in one piece) and 4 people that have never set foot on a mountain. Hilarity ensues.

First Away Game Pictures

// April 7th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized