Posts Tagged ‘Sweden’

Tomfoolery in the Ice Bar

// July 30th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Stockholm, construction, inanity, wob

My not-so-little brother is in Sweden taking in everything that Stockholm has to offer. Which of course meant a trip to the Ice Bar {Something that I have yet to visit in my time here.}. It’s a tiny room and it’s, well, cold. That doesn’t mean that it needs to be boring.

We had the lady at the front door convinced that we were serious about wanting to go into the bar sans shirt. “Um, no, you have to wear the pancho.” Two minutes later we let on that there was no way we were going in without the coverall/little-kid-glove-clip combo. During a mixed drink in an ice cup, we decided to do what all good Wisconsin lads should do. Construct an ice-a-mid with the empties laying about.


And why not? With some help from some gentleman in town for the Pride festival, we completed our alcoholic tribute to the pharoahs and forced labor before we lost feeling in our fingers.

One more amusing thing about Sweden

// June 26th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

A psychotic feminine shriek from a neighboring apartment after Sweden scored it’s second goal against England in the under 21 soccer Championships. They have since equalized {Accompanied by frenzied dancing on the floor above.} after going down 3-0 in the first half.

For the 99% of people who don’t care, the Swedish word for nipple is bröstvårtan - which translates to ‘breast wart’. And the areola is ‘breast wart field’.

Enjoy your weekend and entertain your friends with your new Swedish vocabulary.


This reinforces why I should not have a Twitter account
{Or maybe I should? I see it as a Frankensteinian conglomeration of texting, blogging and emailing. I could be spot on or way off. I’m also not real concerned about this ambiguity. And the 140 character limit seems so constricting.}.

Birthday and Subsequent Threats of Gun Violence

// June 25th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Today is the day when I will be threatened with execution by firing squad should I ever become a centenarian.

Let me explain.

Instead of the typical happy birthday song, Swedes sing “Ja, må du leva (uti hundrade år)” which translates to “Yes, may you live (to a hundred years old)”. And instead of the “cha, cha, cha” or what have you, the cheeky Swedes add another verse threatening to put the celebratee on a stump and shoot them if they do, in fact, reach triple digits.

A bit morbid, but it amuses me. Although depending on how the last three-quarters of that quest goes, I may have to find someone to carry out a Denny Crane - Alan Shore arrangement:

Denny Crane: I don’t fear death - never have. But I do fear being hooked up to a machine … would you want to live like that?
Alan Shore: No, Denny, if it came to that, I’d pull the plug.
Denny Crane: Pull the plug? That’s no way to die. I want you to shoot me!

For the record, if you can hear me speaking that’s not the time. Thanks in advance.

Glad Midsommar

// June 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Out of the office for the weekend due to going undercover with some Swedes to drink schnapps, eat herring and dance around a penis pole. Seriously. It’s supposedly an ancient Swedish celebration of male fertility.

That song is about how frogs don’t have ears or a tail. Ooo-wacaca, indeed. There’s another traditional ditty that roughly translated means you’re a momma’s boy and I’m a momma’s boy and everybody is a momma’s boy. Sometimes telling the truth is funny enough.

If you need an excuse for binge drinking this weekend, go ahead and celebrate the longest day of the year under the guise of celebrating Swedish culture.

WOB: Please Allow Myself To Introduce…Myself

// June 4th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Walk On Boy embarking on the official maiden post. Please refrain from smashing a champagne bottle over my head for good luck, because that didn’t work out so well for the Titanic. Although if I go down because of gross miscalculation and I can sketch Kate Winslet nude, I’ll call it a success.

My name is Pat McCarthy {You can call me Patrick [I just feel like a pretentious dickbag introducing myself as that. Why? I have no idea.], WOB, Walk, Boy, or really anything. Profanities included. Although I guess if you were going to, you wouldn’t wait for my permission. There’s a solid chance I’ve been called worse.} and I’m an alco, er, ex-Minnesota Golden Gopher football player born and bred in Wisconsin {Which may or may not be of consequence to peope outside of the area.}. I have a tendency to overuse squiggly brackets, brackets within brackets and italics. You may find it irritating, but if you have any better ideas on how to best organize my thoughts, by all means, let me know. Hopefully we can peacefully co-exist until you get accustomed to my ramblings. I carry an Indiana Jones pouch {Others may call it a man bag, murse, or something of the sort. Until I smite them with the whip I carry within.}. I can be a bit verbose from time to time.
I used to be a fat white guy. I would now classify myself as portly. Perhaps jolly. I am in Stockholm, Sweden, playing football for Djurgården {The best analogy I can come up with is imagine the New York Yankees having a club rugby team that no one really knows about. That’s us.} which was named for an animal garden in central Stockholm that used to be the royal hunting grounds where a fencing club was started in 1891. Sometimes there’s really no point in exaggerating or making up a story because the truth is inexplicable enough. Run on sentences are a strong suit. Living over here exposes me daily to the non-sensical, and it amuses me. And to clarify, no people who live in Sweden are not the Swiss, and banking, watch or chocolate making is not a major industry here {That would be Switzerland. But at least the first two letters are the same.} However, you would be spot on with cows, milk and dairy products.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. One, because it makes it easier for me to come up with things after that. And two, chances are someone else is wondering the same thing, and we’re here to please. Just don’t make them too difficult because I am a stupid football player and can only speak in single syllables.
Thanks to Rob for bringing me on, and for everyone reading. I’m looking forward to a journey free of icebergs.
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