Video | Thoughts from a fat white guy

Jazz

// October 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Minnesota, Uncategorized

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week/This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse

// October 16th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

See, this is your classic two-fer-one, double whammy delight. Not only do you leave this video with a renewed belief in the creativity and ingenuity of man, but then…BOOM! The utter disgust of our beloved Fox News anchor, equating a “Kripsy With Cheese” (my name) to suicide…and how about him listing the different ways to kill yourself? This is absolutely excellent. Have you tasted one? Have a picture? Contact me: TheFatWhiteGuy(at)Gmail.com

Bobby Bowden Is Angry, Like Your Grandpa

// October 6th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

You know, my grandfather, before he passed away, would exhibit the same passive aggressive-answer-dodging nonsense when pressed as to whether or not he was stealing batteries and yelling at the nurses. Both happened to be true. Well, I’m sure Bowden isn’t exactly the ‘Radio Shack Bandit” but….then again…he’s not exactly a spring chicken. He’s old. Real old. (How old is he, Rob?!) Old enough to get a pass on farting in public, or referring to African Americans as “Negros” (inappropriate, Bobby….inappropriate). So even though he wont comment on it, consider it a done deal. Bowden era is over. Go on Joe Paterno, crack a smile, you’ve earned it.

/I am Joe Paterno’s smirking revenge.

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

// September 15th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Swayze is now the head bouncer cooler at that big Double Deuce in the sky. No I.D.? No entry, partner.

Sure I work as a bouncer from time to time. And yah, I watch Roadhouse everynight before work, just to get all juiced up for the occasion. Just like I watched Dirty Dancing before my high school prom, Point Break before I took my FBI exam, and Ghost before all those pottery classes. Patrick Swayze was an American hero. This weekend, I’ll be hosting “Crazy Swayze” night in Boston. You should come.

Remember….Nobody puts Baby in the corner….

9/11: If You Don’t Read This Post, Then The Terrorists Win

// September 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

eagle Today in America, 8 years removed from a great tragedy, little can be said to encapsulate the feelings of that day. Instead of touching on all the “where were you when it happend…” moments, I decided to take it in a different direction, Me and FatPickle decided to write something titled “The 10 things 9/11 Changed For Sports”

I realize this is a sensitive subject, and some people we bounced this off of thought it might be in “poor taste” (Sorry, Mom). So we’ve decided against openly publishing it, if you’re interested email me at TheFatWhiteGuy@gmail.com

You’re not interested. Are you.

Happy Weekend!

I Don’t Like Rap, But I Love This Commerical

// September 10th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Okay, that’s not entirely true, I do like some rap. But I spent the majority of my teens listening to REO Speedwagon, Styxx, Foreigner, and Journey (The answer is “Yes.” I do consider everyone a sellout when they sing “Don’t stop believin’” at the bar…). But I do love Jay-Z. More importantly, my fat ass likes TV, and on TV there are commercials. And guess what? I love this one. So whether or not you appreciate it, it’s on the blog. Deal with it.

Merriman: “Yeah, the TV show was THAT bad….”

// September 8th, 2009 // No Comments » // Rob Lunn, Uncategorized

I’m going to be the first to tell you that on Sunday when the story broke about Chargers LB Sean Merriman being accused of choking and restraining his girlfriend, Tila Tequila (see above clip), I was appalled, “Sean Merriman dates Tila Tequila??” What the hell? Why didn’t I know about this earlier?

It was like my world was shattered. The worst reality TV star on the planet dates one of the NFL’s best linebackers? I considered this for “This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse” but unfortunately. I’m holding out for some Michael Jackson Story.

Now, I have sisters (3) and a mother (1) and I am wholeheartedly against any violence against women, but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t laugh for a solid three minutes over this. And part of me was a little happy, after I got sucked in to all those VH1 promos and cliff hanger—only to wake up hours later, pants less wondering what the hell had happened.

“A Shot at Love III: Merriman’s Revenge”

Excellent.

[Merriman: I didn't hurt Tequila] - Fox Sports

Blount Versus Hout: Add Your Own Soundtrack

// September 5th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Minnesota, Uncategorized

In addition to writing for sites like NESN and DEADSPIN, I’ve also chosen a slightly more glamorous career path: bouncing. On my shift Thursday night I got lucky; from my post I had a clear view of the Oregon v. Boise State game. The only problem was that, with the DJ spinning the hits, there was no soundtrack to the game. Boise States dominance, I had to fill in what the talking heads at ESPN were probably saying. Which wasn’t difficult, as you might imagine— Tim Tebow, a few Phil Knight references, and then something about “smash mouth football”

And then, at the end of the game, I got to watch Oregon’s LeGarrette Blout sucker punch Boise State’s Byron Hout. Connecting on some sweet, sweet chin music. This was probably the highlight of my night, instead of watching guidos swing on each other at closing time, I got some HBO quality entertainment, during NCAA Primetime.

And I got to add my own soundtrack—the only thing that came to mind was that scene from Major League, where Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn squares off with Willie “Mayes” Hayes—with Bob Uecker giving the call…

“Hayes swings and misses. I don’t know Monte, it looks like Vaughn is carrying his left a little low. This could hurt him in the later rounds. ”

Why Your Team Sucks: Buffalo Bills

// September 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Drew Magary over at Deadspin just did this feature on my beloved Buffalo Bills. I’d like to be mad at him, but his interpretations of Buffalo’s culture/people are spot on (ie: Girls in jeans with out pockets, and tube tops in subzero weather…class, class, class).

Go head over and read it, have yourself a laugh. But remember…Nobody, and I mean NOBODY circles the wagons like the G-D Buffalo Bills….

[Why Your Team Sucks: Buffalo Bills]

Brett Favre and The Crack Back Block Heard ‘Round the World

// September 1st, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

You know what I’m not even mad at Favre for this, sure it was a preseason game, and sure it was illegal. But in Favre’s defense he’s been moving around so much in the past few years, I’m not sure he knows which way is up anymore. He’s like some Army brat hopping from base to base, and now he’s acting out. Instead of rebelling against his father,going goth and piercing his eye brow, Favre signed with the Vikings, and alienated all of Wisconsin.

Not to mention was this even illegal when Favre started playing football….