Wake Up! With Jenn Sterger The Ultimate Woo Girl

// October 19th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I wish I could take credit for this, but it all goes to those geniuses that write “How I Met Your Mother”  They have given an official name to a group of ladies we all know well, “The Woo Girls”  That group of past-their-prime women who like to take shots in circles, toasting to themselves.  Other characteristics include reckless use of the word “bitches” as in “C’mon and drink, you bitchesss”  (not the prolonged “s” at the end) as well as crying on sidewalks after last call, generally sloppy appearance, and cowboy/straw hats indoors.  So congrats to you, Jenn Sterger you are The Ultimate Woo Girl.

Wake Up! With Canadian Politicians Taking Campaign Cues From Southern Super Power

// October 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

The video: What some see as a legitimate campaign ad against Winnipeg’s incumbent mayor, Sam Katz, notes that the mayor has accomplished little in his six years in office before abruptly declaring that Katz “kicks children in the face” over video footage of the mayor doing just that — albeit accidentally, in an organized soccer match in August. A spokesperson for Katz’s chief opponent, Judy Wasylycia-Leis, tells The New York Times that her campaign is not responsible for the incendiary ad, and that, despite the American media attention it’s receiving, “fortunately in Winnipeg the discussion has remained focused on more important issues.”

Just when I thought the Canadians had decided to let their sacks drop, I see that they’ve managed to maintain their focus on “more important issues.”  Really the issue here is two fold:  First, this Canadian mayor needs to sell himself as “the candidate that kicks kids” (TM), you need to own that type of aggression.  Secondly, Canadians play soccer?  Shouldn’t that be frozen water, a bunch of Bauer equipment, lack of dental hygiene, and Don Cherry somewhere in the mix?

Wake Up! With Birds Getting The Business

// October 7th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Freaking  Turdus Migratorius left it’s turdus all over my windshield this morning.  So, I decided that I’d post videos with tenuous sports angles of birds getting the business.  Take that winged-rats.

p.s.
Turdus Migratorius is the scientific name for the American Robin, try and keep up unwashed masses.

Wake Up! With Senseless Goat Violence

// September 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

SANTA FE, N.M. — Santa Fe Police are investigating a drive-by shooting that resulted in the death of a pet goat.

According to police, a green van drove up and fired several shots at some goats that lived at home on the 1200 block of Declovina Street.
One of the goats, named Maria, was killed and police do not know whether or not the act was random or targeted.

Snitches get stitches, bitches.  If some goat wants to be out there running his mouth, he’s gotta know that street justice is just one drive by away.  Don’t get it twisted, this goat had it coming in a bad way.

Thanks to Lo for the tip.

Wake Up! Being Glad You’re Not A Pizza Boy….This Is Definitely In Poor Taste

// September 2nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

[BOSTON]A Domino’s Pizza delivery man was stabbed to death on the job early this morning and Boston Police are searching for two men and one woman who savagely attacked him and then fled the scene in his delivery car, according to a BPD spokesman.

Cue the emails calling me insensitive.  Boo Hoo I’ve been on the grind all week collecting checks so we can keep bring you awesomness on the Fat White Guy.  Cry me a river, America.  Worst job in America followed by the worst possibly termination (pun intended).

Let’s have a great day, thanks for always supporting the FWG Network

Wake Up! And Be Glad You Don’t Have Friends Like These

// August 30th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

FWG loves him some rednecks.  You want to talk about people who enjoy the simple things in life then there you have it.  Whether it is Budweiser Diesel, jet skis, professional wrestling, Costco, or 10 shots of Jack Daniels with two raw eggs and mayonaise mixed in.  Boy, do these “people” know how to live.  You can’t coach this kind of ethusiasm. When you mix low brain function, free time, and alcohol you get one of two things:  That video featured above, or this blog.

WAKE UP! With Classic NBA Commericials

// August 24th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Makes you wonder just how exactly that white kid from French Lick snuck in there.

Wake Up With The Bikini Clad Caped Crusader

// July 26th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

This is just your basic Miami Beach she-male homeless crimefighter.  That’s right, the Caped Crusader pictured here, keeping our beaches safe from trash and sensible swimwear is actually a man.  Which I’m all for.  Because it makes my life as a blogger worth living.  I opened up this email, saw the picture and immediately started stroking my beard with an odd satisfied smirk, I knew just what I would write: Somewhere, in a trailer park this girl has a dad, and that dad knows that his little girl is down in Miami fighting beach crime dressed like this.

Well congratulations, Universe.  Well done on the curve ball.  As the email explained, this is actually a man.  So now it’s just another freak who loves hefty bags, cute bikini bottoms, and walking the beach.  You win, world.  You win.

Wake Up! With U.S. Supreme Court Nominee Elena Kagan

// May 14th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

[WhoRunsGov] Kagan was the first woman to hold the office of solicitor general in the Justice Department, and, if confirmed to the U.S. Supreme Court, will be the fourth woman to sit on the high court.

There is one big aspect people aren’t talking about regarding Obama’s nomination;  This could be the first lesbian to sit on the supreme court.

Thanks to Parsons for the photo.

Wake Up! With My Girlfriend Flexing Her Way Into Mid Week

// May 11th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

I wake up every morning and it is at least a pot of coffee before I’m functional.  Think of Jeremy Piven’s breakthrough roll in PCU Anyway, me and the roommate here, yes I live with my girlfriend, are like yin and yang.  She’s super chipper in the morning, leaves for every work telling me to “blog with a smile, hunny.” So there I was this morning, extra groggy and out of coffee, she decided this would be the best way to wake me up.  Wrong, Wrong.